No More Hiding

Over the last week, while not in a comatose state or gliding through the day encompassed in a cloud of disappointment and silent rage, I began to obsessively scroll through Twitter. 

At first, it was a way to feel good about the massive amounts of people who were just as pissed as I was and voicing their collective disdain for the president. Then I began to parse through replies that were, plainly, devoid of logic. As I mentioned in an earlier post and more recently, I’m at a loss of how so much of this nation can be blinded by someone who’s entire campaign has been nothing but an unapologetic attack on people of color, LGBTQ communities, women, and really anyone who isn’t rich. His executive orders reflect this alarming dismissal of humanity and what I was hoping would be a four year stint of hotheaded talk and no action is starting to look like an impending, inevitable hellscape. I should rephrase that, I was never really at a loss, because that’s just naive. I’m more appalled and overwhelmingly frustrated.

The upside is there has been so much unity as a result of this common fury spawned by an unwieldy emotionally disturbed, leathery man-child, but there’s also been an intense, palpable division of the people who voted for Trump and those who didn’t. I’m starting to think this separation is not necessarily a bad thing, but something to be considered as we move forward as a country and figure out ways to heal the gaping wound this celebrity villain has exacerbated. 

I, for one, would like to know how this can happen. Healing. I’ve written about it before - this seething hatred or prejudice or what have you that prevents the acceptance of reality and promotes the belief in “alternative facts” and justifies shiftlessly falling behind grandstanding human dumpster fires. It’s either this, or other individuals simply don’t care about anything except the bottom line, so their allegiance to the country won’t go beyond their pockets. How do we get these obdurate and uncompromising rednecks people to see that what this man is doing is not only hurting every American, including themselves, but can potentially (and has already) hurt the rest of the world? It enrages me how stubborn people are. Not to mention exhausting to see these arguments defending this pool of orange bile.

Which brings me back to the glaring division, that may not necessarily be a bad thing. I mean, opposition is how we got to this place of mobilizing and organizing against the dark lord enemy administration. And it does add fuel to the fire when you see positively outrageous actions and claims made by the LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD. I dunno, something like possibly launching an investigation into “all the illegal votes” that must’ve been cast, since the Orange Wonder didn’t win the popular vote, or, I dunno, talking about the inaugural crowds in front of a CIA memorial and just weeks before comparing them to Nazis. 

It is no mistake that we’re living under unprecedented rule and every day has the potential to be been more heinous than the last and this division is causing tension, but in the grand scheme, it’s also helping sculpt our future (if there even is going to be one at this point), in a way that hasn’t been done in a very long time. More than ever, citizens are becoming involved with the political process and the dream the forefathers had for the US is coming into fruition (kind of- ya know, cuz most of them were slave owners and mega racist). The division is what’s making people pick up phones, donate money to great causes, and volunteer for amazing organizations. No one is letting anything dubious Tiny Hands does go unchecked. Our society is slowly but surely becoming more “woke.”

My only real worry about the division in this country is on a more granular level, in friendships and families, among classmates and coworkers. The division gets uncomfortable and hard to maneuver when in such close proximities. Obviously, people aren’t so uncivilized they can’t share a space with someone who has completely different views than the other, but seeing your coworker casually peruse Breitbart or mention their excitement for the Cheeto’s “next big decision” can be downright tough or ya know, the opposite. I have no idea what annoys the other side besides facts and logic. Hm, probably me saying that. 

So even if Timmy-talkative the co-worker and crazy-Aunt Jane are baffling loyal Trump supporters, the majority of the country is on your side. Proud, self-proclaimed ‘deplorables,’ and others continuing to avidly support this scary regime help everyone else identify those who won’t fight for the freedom of their countrymen and would gladly step on the backs of their neighbors for a little bit of prosperity. It’s good to know. There’s no more hiding. 

**Note** I posted this a few days ago, but thought it was a little too harsh. Then the next few days happened and now IDGAF. Plus, it’s Black History Month, so I’m not going to silence myself to make people comfortable. Even though I have very strong feelings about this 'celebration,’ as I feel it’s a direct insult to my culture and heritage because black history is and forever will be apart of American history, it’s still important to remember all of the people who came before me and refused to be silent or compromise their ideals for a society that continues to be unjust to POC.

Year In Review - 2015

Everyone’s doing these stupid year round up posts so naturally I thought I would jump on board and add to the exhausting barrage of 2015 highlights and lowlights. 

Just kidding I’m going to talk about my boring observations about society. Oh, I’m sorry, did you think this was going to be a fun year in review? Nah.

Pardon my french but, where the fuck do I begin? This year has been, as I’ve written before, an eye opening experience for a lot of people who were previously clueless about the war on black lives that is being waged and has been for years within the black community. This year is the rise of the discussion about white privilege, putting that idea into context, and even breaking it down in Buzzfeed posts to make it more palatable for the masses. 

This year more people became ever so slightly more aware of the unconscionable hardships faced by trans people who continue to fight for a voice and their lives in this society of binary bullshit. Caitlyn Jenner’s coming out though very powerful is eclipsed by the amount of work that we need to do as a society to make sure everyone regardless of sex, gender, sexual orientation, etc. are not targeted and can feel safe no matter where they are in this country. Even typing that I can feel that heavy weight of hopelessness descend upon reality, but we must persist to move this country forward. 

This year people are at their wits end with the incessant racism that saturates our incomprehensibly flawed justice system, how racism is still so alive and rampant,  and the connection slavery has on the current racial climate. 

This year there is more talk about class and it’s detrimental affect on society that is usually overlooked. Class is such a huge issue in this country and it’s a very real issue Presidential candidates are discussing while campaigning, but, honestly, not enough- except Bernie Sanders. Bernie’s been all over it.

This year we’ve also seen the rise of a wannabe leader whose purely racist rhetoric has lead to numerous acts of violence and his unapologetic followers have shockingly (or not so shockingly) risen in numbers to the true terror of the rest of the country. It’s been such a strange contrast with the rise of Bernie and his notion of an overhaul of American politics. 

This year more people than ever have been getting upset by the concept of Hollywood white-washing stories about people of color, yet Hollywood continues do nothing about it. Surprise. Surprise. Also, this yea including another round of people who love getting mad when a person of color plays a white character, which gawd, get over it.

This year women have had to face numerous challenges to protect their bodies and minds from the onslaught of patriarchal arrogance, which we will always persevere against because we have no other choice until the shroud of masculinity is unraveled and disbanded. When we realize as a whole these constructs do nothing but divide and destroy, then can we create this utopian society that lives in my head where everyone is content with who they are without judgement from anyone and constantly high five-ing  each other.

On a more personal level, this year has been another amazing growing/learning experience and I’ve been lucky enough to meet and get closer to so many incredible, funny, talented people. It makes me feel like this world can’t be ALL BAD. Here’s to 2016! 

Privilege Man. Privilege.

Reading about privilege is mildly irritating when you’re not subjected to it everyday. Though, witnessing privilege is like having someone with halitosis speaking to you in such close proximity their hot breath feels like it’s permeating your skin. It’s as pleasant as hearing that damn ice cream truck outside your window for hours on end and then it stops and goes and stops and goes, then it sounds like it’s a CD being scratched, then it gets louder and softer. It sounds like it might be leaving. The engine starts, but no. It starts up again, from the beginning and it goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on….

Here’s the scenario: Waiting in line for Friday the 13th tattoos behind a girl covered in tats and annoyingly talkative who has no concept of humanity or humility.

The waiting in line would have been absolutely fine if we weren’t stuck behind the most obnoxious human being on the planet and her friend. It was a hot day. My nerves were already on edge because they were being slow cooked by the sun. So, this girl in front of us discussing matters of friendships and their complications with an air of superiority, while dismissively explaining why her friend (not present) decided they “can’t do this anymore,” nearly sent me over the edge into a blind violent rage. 

First, she was talking about how she knew everyone in the tattoo shop and that one of the tattoos was of a dog she knew. These useless fun facts she was spewing to her bored-looking friend were seemingly endless. She knew this person and that person. She knew which tattoo artist did “those tattoos,” she rattled on, as people came out of the shop, their tattoos covered. Her father owns a huge company and she also owns a small one. She was a interested in this and that. Blah blah blah. I knew more about her than my friend standing next to me by the end of the few hours we were trapped behind her, however, the most infuriating thing that came out of her mouth wasn’t the continuous name-dropping or shameless bragging, it was something she said in defense of herself. 

She was telling her friend who seemed to be practicing that thing where you escape your body in times of duress but keep your eyes open. This girl, let’s call her BB for Braggy Bragster, was telling her friend, the poor vacant-eyed one, that she got in a fight with another friend of hers who wasn’t present (how BB had friends in the first place is a whole different query). According to BB, this friend of hers elected to stop talking to her because she claimed BB wasn’t a real adult. Why? BB’s parents were paying her rent and most likely a host of other things, and this friend felt this made BB irresponsible. BB was obviously hurt by these remarks as she laughed heartily at the claim and stated, “It’s not my fault my parents care about me,” then she said, “I can’t help it if my parents love me more than hers.” FLOORED. 

How she can so painlessly admit her ignorance with those few statements and have utterly no idea about how inherently wrong it is to assume someone’s parents don’t love them because they cannot afford to pay for their child(ren)’s rent was cray cray. That’s when I knew she was a grade A psycho. Something already rubbed me the wrong way about her before she even mentioned her “loving parents.” It may have been the way she spoke so loudly as if her thoughts and ideas needed to be heard over everyone else’s conversation. It may have been the things she chose to talk about like how she didn’t know where she was going to get her next tattoo because she “had so many already.” It may have also been the way she butted into my conversation with my friend and within seconds told us her father owned such and such and that she grew up with “the business in her blood.” *Eye roll.* It’s amazing how modesty can completely change the way you see someone in the exact same financial situation. The problem is not that her father pays her rent, the problem is that she doesn’t find the harm in what she’s saying. The problem is that she was completely oblivious to how insensitive remarks like that can be. The problem is that she is so privileged she has no issue with defending herself in the most despicable way possible. Her parents are well off. I get that. That is great, I wish everyone’s parents could pay their children’s rents or whatever, but the thing here is being mindful of the reasons why not everyone has that opportunity. We’re living in a society that has immeasurable discrepancies in wages for workers in all sorts of fields. The reason Daddy Dearest was able to afford paying for whatever is because he is being paid an exorbitant amount of money while his workers are being paid substantially less. It’s called capitalism and it effects quite a large portion of society, but this girl, DD, was not privy to the facts or plain blissfully unwilling to acknowledge them. Weeks after the fact, I am still reeling from her unbearable presence.

And now, I hear an actor who plays one of my most beloved fictional characters is also a bigot. WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?! WHY SIRIUS BLACK?! WHYYYYYYYY?! OH AND ZORG! WTF!?

So, who does he hate?

I think Playboy secretly has it out to uncover every bigoted celebrity, which is kinda funny. Remember that interview with John Mayer where he claimed his dick was a klan member? Yeah, good stuff. People suck.

Black People Are Tired Of Being Insulted

I used to be nervous to write about race. I distinctly remember writing in my LiveJournal about how I did not want to be the type of person that solely talked about the subject, because I’d read some really despicable things on forums (oh hai AOL) and didn’t want my blog to be a place for racists to have a platform. I had grand ideas for my blog. Sigh. Also, I felt inadequate to speak about such things because I was “only in high school” and was a bit intimidated by the controversial topic.  

Well, now, I’ve grown up and have increasingly given less and less f*cks about whether or not people will like what I have to say and realize now, that the internet is full of idiots writing about things they know nothing about. The internet has laid way to a wonderful world of free speech that gets to reach potentially millions, but when I read certain things on the world wide web, my heart weeps.

This brings me to the reason I’ve decided to crack open this cobwebbed Tumblr.

I’ve read a few articles recently that have me absolutely floored by the amount of self-righteous, pseudo-intellectual bs pulsating through them like a mind-numbing, stinky venom. It drips off of every instructional sentence about how black people should conduct themselves lest they are deserving of mistreatment and name calling. 

Most recently (literally this morning) I read an article with the obvious intention of ruffling feathers, because the name of it is, “Are So Called Black People Stupid?” I had to read over the title a few times when I saw it, because I was sure no one could be that unimaginative when it came to titling a post. No. It was real. However, the best part was yet to come as my eyeballs swept over insult after insult about black men and black women.

Before this wonderful piece, there was that article on Gawker called, Black People Are Cowards, a glorified rant about why all of the basketball players on the Clippers are cowards (and subsequently all Black people) because they didn’t quit their jobs on the spot after that infamous conversation between the team’s owner and his mistress leaked a few weeks ago. 

Ok.

I understand the frustration that is inherently in almost every person of color for the way American culture is continuously trying to define what it means to be a person of color instead of leaving that decision up to the individual. I get the hopelessness that sometimes settles into your entire being when you see a stereotypical character in some movie or popular TV show, because you know in some parts of the world (hell, the US) that character is one of the very few significant representations of your entire race and you can do nothing to defend the reality that the character is but one of many facets apart of your culture. I know. It’s unfair, it’s foolish, and it seems unavoidable.

However, just because the world makes you angry does not give you the right to put down or belittle anyone because they are not holding to your standards of reform. The first consciously incendiary article I mentioned opens with the always controversial N-word. This one ends in “a,” but it’s not like that even matters. Anyway, the author says he is fed up with black people referring to themselves in derogatory ways, which I don’t entirely disagree with, but do not feel this is a reason to call black people stupid. It’s the cavalier way the article is written, devoid of other viewpoints or explanations for embracing certain offensive terms that grinds my gears. My favorite part of the article is this:

“Most black American women will live in the projects, but wear the most expensive clothes they can buy. Hair done. Nails did…as they say. Eye brows arched.Why? You live in the damn projects. Your priority should be saving your money to move OUT of the damn projects, not looking fresh in the club to impress some other broke people…who live in the projects. Thats stupid.”

Wow. Ok. I’m not going to bother with statistics because who the hell cares when there’s obviously some kind of class shaming going on all over this. People who don’t live in the projects do the same thing. Why perpetuate this stereotype and why put it so simply as if all that needed to be done was “save up money.” There is a perceptible hopelessness in some areas of the black community that manifests in different ways. It’s not effing stupidity, it’s systemic and institutionalized racism. It’s yes, I will never stop saying it, slavery. Yes, it happened 150 years ago, but it still haunts Black Americans today and continues to be the basis for a lot of this “second citizen” thought, prejudice, and ultimately racism. Our country was built on blood. It’s infuriating to hear people deny the reality that slavery made America what it is today, which is why there is still this discernible racial divide everyone’s reluctant to talk about in fear of being called a “radical” or “uppity." 

The article goes on to say this:

”I did not write this to offend you, but to make you think. I have to say that because black Americans are emotional, and have a need to refute, debunk, debate, and counter everything you say.

Well, refute this.

Black Americans complain about living in a police state and injustice, but what are they doing about it, besides marching, praying, holding rallies, and joining groups that have never done a damn thing for them?

Hold on. That was way too complicated. Black Americans will start making excuses about us coming together “as a people” before anything can change.“

You’re right, a-hole (sorry, that one slipped), I will refute this because this is written with little compassion or regard to human decency. 

I’m not going to go on about how much Black people have accomplished in that 150 years after being human property, but I will say we’re definitely moving towards progress.

Also, I don’t disagree with everything he wrote, but I honestly feel there is a way to express dislike besides creating posts full of offensive pictures and statements to get your point across.

My plea for anyone about to go on a tirade against the actions of Black people, do so with respect and humility. Bring a level of dignity to the conversation instead of condemning and name-calling, which brings me to that second article on Gawker. Here’s a literary turd I stepped in with my eyes- I mean, here’s one part that was annoying:

”The most common excuse I’ve heard for today’s cowardice is “they need to feed their families,” which of course is a euphemism for “for the money.” You know, the blacks that sold other blacks into slavery, there’s a good chance they used some of that money to feed their families too. So, that makes them cool with all of y’all?“

How interesting. Comparing Clippers’ players to Black people who sold their brethren into slavery? Totally valid. Yeah, no. 

This author goes on to say Black people are cowards because…uh… what was it, yes:

”Let’s step it up and take off from work and stay home with our kids until these preposterous tenure rules are revoked from public schools and it’s the kids that can’t be fired, not the teachers.“

What a lofty idea. 

It’s strange because throughout the article he negates to venture towards the really interesting truth- quitting your job is a privilege. Yes, it is something that many of us (humans) dream of doing daily, but cannot because of those pesky necessities like food, water and shelter. Could those basketball dudes quit their jobs? Sure,probably! They don’t though probably because it’s their livelihood and they’re not going to let some cheating senile old bigot get under their skin because all of a sudden the public knows his innermost thoughts about race that were probably not so surprising to people he interacted with everyday anyway. 

Now, I am all for social revolution and reform, but I’m not going to say I know how to go about changing the minds of ignorant people everywhere. The issue is bigger than all of us. It has to do with a system that is designed to oppress, but overcoming it has to do with loving yourself on your own terms, not bringing anyone down.

I am not going to tell people that they have to encourage change by solely doing yadda yadda, I have no right to tell someone they’re not helping the cause, because at the end of the day it is a choice. It’s a choice that we all have to make and should not be coerced into anything. If someone does not want to quit their job because their boss is a douche, they have that right and I will not judge them.

There is that saying, be the change you want to see in the world. So, with my little blog I intend to do just that. Write my little heart out about the race though I promised my 15-year-old self I wouldn’t. I know it’s not nearly enough to just write about race, but it’s a start, right?

For those of you who want to read those articles in their entirety and get pissed off like I did, here you go:

https://m.app.box.com/view_shared/z3n3yquiw7k3a36drftw - NSFW!!! There are some lewd photos in there, which just seems, frankly, hypocritical. Also, the dude’s actual site is expired. I would really have loved to see what else was on there. Bummer. 

And

http://gawker.com/black-people-are-cowards-1568673014