Loss of Words? Azealia Banks Will Find Them

I have been struggling to find the words to describe the influx of conversations about race in America because for so long it has been a dream of mine to finally get this in-depth, candid exchange of ideas. It’s been a dream to actually have this conversation on a larger, more open platform (social media or just media in general) in order to reach millions of racist, oblivious, ignorant, clueless, foolish, etc. people who have been bottling up their insensitivities beneath feigned indifference or nicely packaging them behind fake smiles. Now, passionate, intelligent voices can reach people who are embarrassingly unapologetic about their bigotry -hateful and inept- and really begin this process of unpacking the hundreds of years of injustice and inequality that is plaguing this country. We can begin to unpack the racism that is still so alive and well in this great nation.

The flood gates seems to have finally burst open and years upon years, decades, centuries of pain and ruthlessness are surfacing on a national scale and the outcry for justice and plainly respect for black people in society is finally being heard. 

At first, I’m not going to lie, I was annoyed. I was annoyed because all of the events leading up to these mass protests have been happening for centuries. I was annoyed because black people have been living with this sense of insecurity for so long it’s became normalcy, born from the hopelessness that consumes any glimmer of positive change due to systemic and institutional racism. There was never an acceptance of this horrible reality, but our voices were just not loud enough for the media to take any notice. 

I understand that these atrocious events happening back to back with this ferocious public investment is the catalyst for this open conversation about race, but it makes me sad that police brutality and violence has been happening for so long without reprieve. I understand that it’s the new wave of technology and our “global oneness through Twitter” that have brought about many uprisings not just here but across the globe. I understand that now there is literally nowhere to hide or deny this unthinkable violence because cameras come with cell phones and people record everything nowadays. 

However, it’s the interview with Azaelia Banks that has essentially made me want to write today. I was so floored by her honesty and moved by her persistence. She was not going to stop talking about society’s cruel mistreatment of black people just because it makes listeners uncomfortable. Numerous times during the interview when whatever-his-name-is told her to put all that raw energy into her music, she said, no, I don’t want to put it in my music. She explained that it’s rare for a black woman to be able to speak the way she does so it can be heard by millions. She told him, it’s her prerogative to say whatever the hell she wants because she’s not afraid of the repercussions. She knows her talent and her fan base. I think she also knows that people, regardless of this strange, twisted way the media portrays people in this country as a blob of mindless apathetic morons, people really do respond to honesty, and as numerous protests have proven, people are neither mindless or apathetic. Well, not all people…

Azealia Banks, if you ever read this I want to thank you for saying all of the things that have been resonating within the black community for centuries. I want to thank you for not accepting the picture being painted of you through twisted media outlets, but embracing your right to speak freely as a citizen of this world and as a black woman. I want to thank you for giving me hope that money doesn’t change who you are or where you come from, but does give you the ability to say whatever the f*ck you want on a platform that would usually be denied topics so deep and so honest.

This post is kind of all over the place, but it is reflective of the bitterness and joy I feel about finally entering a moment in time where I’m not scared about sharing my opinions or apologetic or nervous I’ll hurt people’s feelings or make people uncomfortable. I’m merely exercising my right to free speech, something so wonderfully apparent in that interview.

If you haven’t seen/heard the interview yet, I HIGHLY recommend it:

Black People Are Tired Of Being Insulted

I used to be nervous to write about race. I distinctly remember writing in my LiveJournal about how I did not want to be the type of person that solely talked about the subject, because I’d read some really despicable things on forums (oh hai AOL) and didn’t want my blog to be a place for racists to have a platform. I had grand ideas for my blog. Sigh. Also, I felt inadequate to speak about such things because I was “only in high school” and was a bit intimidated by the controversial topic.  

Well, now, I’ve grown up and have increasingly given less and less f*cks about whether or not people will like what I have to say and realize now, that the internet is full of idiots writing about things they know nothing about. The internet has laid way to a wonderful world of free speech that gets to reach potentially millions, but when I read certain things on the world wide web, my heart weeps.

This brings me to the reason I’ve decided to crack open this cobwebbed Tumblr.

I’ve read a few articles recently that have me absolutely floored by the amount of self-righteous, pseudo-intellectual bs pulsating through them like a mind-numbing, stinky venom. It drips off of every instructional sentence about how black people should conduct themselves lest they are deserving of mistreatment and name calling. 

Most recently (literally this morning) I read an article with the obvious intention of ruffling feathers, because the name of it is, “Are So Called Black People Stupid?” I had to read over the title a few times when I saw it, because I was sure no one could be that unimaginative when it came to titling a post. No. It was real. However, the best part was yet to come as my eyeballs swept over insult after insult about black men and black women.

Before this wonderful piece, there was that article on Gawker called, Black People Are Cowards, a glorified rant about why all of the basketball players on the Clippers are cowards (and subsequently all Black people) because they didn’t quit their jobs on the spot after that infamous conversation between the team’s owner and his mistress leaked a few weeks ago. 

Ok.

I understand the frustration that is inherently in almost every person of color for the way American culture is continuously trying to define what it means to be a person of color instead of leaving that decision up to the individual. I get the hopelessness that sometimes settles into your entire being when you see a stereotypical character in some movie or popular TV show, because you know in some parts of the world (hell, the US) that character is one of the very few significant representations of your entire race and you can do nothing to defend the reality that the character is but one of many facets apart of your culture. I know. It’s unfair, it’s foolish, and it seems unavoidable.

However, just because the world makes you angry does not give you the right to put down or belittle anyone because they are not holding to your standards of reform. The first consciously incendiary article I mentioned opens with the always controversial N-word. This one ends in “a,” but it’s not like that even matters. Anyway, the author says he is fed up with black people referring to themselves in derogatory ways, which I don’t entirely disagree with, but do not feel this is a reason to call black people stupid. It’s the cavalier way the article is written, devoid of other viewpoints or explanations for embracing certain offensive terms that grinds my gears. My favorite part of the article is this:

“Most black American women will live in the projects, but wear the most expensive clothes they can buy. Hair done. Nails did…as they say. Eye brows arched.Why? You live in the damn projects. Your priority should be saving your money to move OUT of the damn projects, not looking fresh in the club to impress some other broke people…who live in the projects. Thats stupid.”

Wow. Ok. I’m not going to bother with statistics because who the hell cares when there’s obviously some kind of class shaming going on all over this. People who don’t live in the projects do the same thing. Why perpetuate this stereotype and why put it so simply as if all that needed to be done was “save up money.” There is a perceptible hopelessness in some areas of the black community that manifests in different ways. It’s not effing stupidity, it’s systemic and institutionalized racism. It’s yes, I will never stop saying it, slavery. Yes, it happened 150 years ago, but it still haunts Black Americans today and continues to be the basis for a lot of this “second citizen” thought, prejudice, and ultimately racism. Our country was built on blood. It’s infuriating to hear people deny the reality that slavery made America what it is today, which is why there is still this discernible racial divide everyone’s reluctant to talk about in fear of being called a “radical” or “uppity." 

The article goes on to say this:

”I did not write this to offend you, but to make you think. I have to say that because black Americans are emotional, and have a need to refute, debunk, debate, and counter everything you say.

Well, refute this.

Black Americans complain about living in a police state and injustice, but what are they doing about it, besides marching, praying, holding rallies, and joining groups that have never done a damn thing for them?

Hold on. That was way too complicated. Black Americans will start making excuses about us coming together “as a people” before anything can change.“

You’re right, a-hole (sorry, that one slipped), I will refute this because this is written with little compassion or regard to human decency. 

I’m not going to go on about how much Black people have accomplished in that 150 years after being human property, but I will say we’re definitely moving towards progress.

Also, I don’t disagree with everything he wrote, but I honestly feel there is a way to express dislike besides creating posts full of offensive pictures and statements to get your point across.

My plea for anyone about to go on a tirade against the actions of Black people, do so with respect and humility. Bring a level of dignity to the conversation instead of condemning and name-calling, which brings me to that second article on Gawker. Here’s a literary turd I stepped in with my eyes- I mean, here’s one part that was annoying:

”The most common excuse I’ve heard for today’s cowardice is “they need to feed their families,” which of course is a euphemism for “for the money.” You know, the blacks that sold other blacks into slavery, there’s a good chance they used some of that money to feed their families too. So, that makes them cool with all of y’all?“

How interesting. Comparing Clippers’ players to Black people who sold their brethren into slavery? Totally valid. Yeah, no. 

This author goes on to say Black people are cowards because…uh… what was it, yes:

”Let’s step it up and take off from work and stay home with our kids until these preposterous tenure rules are revoked from public schools and it’s the kids that can’t be fired, not the teachers.“

What a lofty idea. 

It’s strange because throughout the article he negates to venture towards the really interesting truth- quitting your job is a privilege. Yes, it is something that many of us (humans) dream of doing daily, but cannot because of those pesky necessities like food, water and shelter. Could those basketball dudes quit their jobs? Sure,probably! They don’t though probably because it’s their livelihood and they’re not going to let some cheating senile old bigot get under their skin because all of a sudden the public knows his innermost thoughts about race that were probably not so surprising to people he interacted with everyday anyway. 

Now, I am all for social revolution and reform, but I’m not going to say I know how to go about changing the minds of ignorant people everywhere. The issue is bigger than all of us. It has to do with a system that is designed to oppress, but overcoming it has to do with loving yourself on your own terms, not bringing anyone down.

I am not going to tell people that they have to encourage change by solely doing yadda yadda, I have no right to tell someone they’re not helping the cause, because at the end of the day it is a choice. It’s a choice that we all have to make and should not be coerced into anything. If someone does not want to quit their job because their boss is a douche, they have that right and I will not judge them.

There is that saying, be the change you want to see in the world. So, with my little blog I intend to do just that. Write my little heart out about the race though I promised my 15-year-old self I wouldn’t. I know it’s not nearly enough to just write about race, but it’s a start, right?

For those of you who want to read those articles in their entirety and get pissed off like I did, here you go:

https://m.app.box.com/view_shared/z3n3yquiw7k3a36drftw - NSFW!!! There are some lewd photos in there, which just seems, frankly, hypocritical. Also, the dude’s actual site is expired. I would really have loved to see what else was on there. Bummer. 

And

http://gawker.com/black-people-are-cowards-1568673014

Here We Go Again

As I was scrolling through my Facebook feed, eyeballs rolling over various headlines like, Top Ten Restaurants That Sell Pork Belly Flavored Pabst or whatever, I came across a piece of true journalistic - if it can even be called that- garbage.At first I was convinced it was some kind of joke- an Onion article or a Fox News blog post, but nay.

This shamelessly off-putting virtual punch to the throat was titled, “It Happened To Me: There Are No Black People In My Yoga Classes And I’m Suddenly Feeling Uncomfortable With It.” However, the entire article is about this girl and her discomfort with herself in relation to a black woman who was taking the class for the first time. This person is a human being with the emotional capacity of a bag of bath salts. There have been some pretty great responses to that stinky heap of dinosaur dung, but I am going off topic to open up the discussion of how this nauseatingly self-indulgent experience made it onto a website that  "is where women go to be their unabashed selves, and where their unabashed selves are applauded – regardless of age, size, ability, location, occupation, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, economic status, relationship status, sexual preferences or lifestyle choices…“ blah blah blah. I think they forgot to add, at the expense of other women (of color). I would just like to know what the process these "pieces” go through before being birthed into the blogosphere to be read by unsuspecting individuals who carry a modicum of sense in their brain pouches and don’t want to read racist aha moments written by oblivious observers who will seemingly never understand the topics they feel the need to so efficiently debase and ruin with ignorance. I took a gander at XOjane, I think I may have poked around the site a few years ago, but there was obviously a reason I never looked back.

It’s more than upsetting that the anecdote was published on a site that is suppose to empower women, but thoroughly did the opposite, which is a continuous trend in feminist culture. As I’ve written before, there is a disconnect between women of color and our white counterparts. It’s inherently different to be a black woman than to be a white woman in society and when we can all embrace and understand this difference maybe we can find some common ground and move on with our agenda as women to better the world we live in where we all ride unicorns and shoot laser beams out of our nipples.

Regardless of how “uncomfortable” some white women may feel about accepting this harrowing reality, it would be soooo much easier to have discussions if everyone wasn’t walking on gd eggshells. The yoga woman as she’s so infamously referred to these days (2) who wrote this is so painfully unsympathetic to how this newcomer may have felt, possibly having a brand new experience with strangers, but instead makes herself the focus of this woman’s discomfort. Privilege doesn’t even begin to explain her warped notions. Granted, I could not make it through the whole thing in fear I would destroy everything around me, I cannot imagine there being any redeeming qualities of her incalculable callowness. All I can hope is that writing what she did made her a better woman for it. I hope that she took the time to read some of the well thought out comments and actually understood where they were coming from- a place of severe frustration with the status quo. 

Open Letter To African American Kids... er, Black Kids.

Dear Black Kids,

I’m going to follow this irritating trend I’ve been seeing with celebrities writing these boring open letters about vapid, stupid things like Miley Cyrus’s future/well-being. I want to write a letter to African American kids argh, people of slave decent that live in this country and anyone of color really who is constantly subjected to prejudicial standards, constantly told they are to be a certain way or suffer the dire consequences of being ostracized and ridiculed. You are not alone.

Let me tell you an anecdotal tale of ignorance that has stuck with me for years. Don’t worry it’s not in the bad way where I think about it every night before I go to bed, tearful and broken down, begging for some kind of solace in solitude. I don’t rock back and forth in the dark praying for this experience to disappear from my brain matter forever. It actually makes me kind of sad and a little bit angry, which does nothing but drive me to be as me as possible.

It was a late night after dance class. My friend’s mom picked us up and we could barely contain our excitement in the back seat of the car for we were on our way to see the SpiceWorld. We excitedly chatted in the back about our favorite spice girls (Scary was mine and Sporty was hers - the best two if you ask me). Mid-conversation her mother turned around and said to me, “You speak so well. You sound just like a white girl.” I was stunned. My ten-year old self knew what she was saying sounded inherently wrong because I didn’t understand what “speaking white” meant let alone the fact she was insinuating black people were not allowed to speak a certain way. Now, let me clear something else up since we’re on the topic of vernacular. This is another lesson I had to learn thanks to mainstream media and a heap of other prejudices I embarrassingly collected, unknowingly, over the years. The way you speak does not define you. This is maybe one of the most important lessons that are never taught. It doesn’t matter what words you use to express yourself they are not in direct correlation with intellect, compassion, empathy, passion, etc. How you speak is merely something taught. No one should feel they need to speak a certain way to fit in or be comfortable in this country. People DO need to heed their personal issues with race and language and not be judgey assholes like I once was and I’m not going to lie, sometimes, still am. I try to check myself as often as possible to remind myself not to fall into the man-eating trap of racism and stereotyping. Anyway, that comment was the first of many I would endure over the course of eight years from middle school all the way through high school.

This letter is for those black kids who were/are called “white” because of how they speak, dress, the music they listen to, the movies they like. This letter is for the black kids who want to break out of these ridiculous stereotypes and represent themselves instead of an ideal perpetuated and almost mandated by this now secretly racist society. Don’t be daft. Racism has not ceased to exist because there is a black president, au contraire it has become more clandestine, more cunning and exposes itself oh so subtlety in the underrepresented models of color, in the exoticized black character in sitcoms and dramas, in the “she/he looks good for a black woman/man” comments among scores of others.

This letter is for those black kids who so desperately want to be something more than their skin color. It’s for those kids who will never forget where they came from but are ready to move forward to where they want to be. This letter is to explain that there is no one in this world who is allowed to tell you who you are except for you. This letter is a plea to society to back the hell up off these racial constructs that have done nothing but harm and divide a nation that is in need of major healing.

A lot has changed since I was a kid. This whole “natural hair phenomenon” alone is enough to make my head spin. It’s fantastic! However, it is a baby step in the right direction. Tyler Perry movies still exist so movement will always be a bit stunted, in my opinion. The rage he incites in me is unparalleled. I digress.

In conclusion, be you. You are beautiful no matter what they say. Yes, I just used a Christina Aguilera lyric, but it is true. No matter what anyone says you are beautiful. You just have to believe it. No one can have any power over you unless you let them. Ok, yeah, that was Eleanor Roosevelt. Again, it’s true. No one is allowed to tell you who you are.

I will close this letter with a quote from the late Amiri Baraka,

“There’s no intrinsic value of being black; there’s no intrinsic value of being white. It’s a fake concept, but certainly I’ve…been oppressed by it all my life.”

Don’t let these concepts oppress you.

Love from the moon and back again,

Christina

Just... Don't.

I’m tired of black women being objectified even in satirical videos. I’m just tired of seeing black women gyrate because “they’re so good at it,” or because it adds an element of (exoticized) sexiness to a video. I’m tired of people being seen as too uptight, or unable to have a sense of humor because there is this very real ideal they don’t find comical.

I get it. This video what’s her face did is suppose to be making fun of all of the crap women go through in life. It’s suppose to be this retrospective on women in pop culture, but it just seems like time and time again black women are on the outskirts. They’re being represented but not in the same way other women are being portrayed in these grand commentaries on feminism. I’m just kind of over it. I don’t need a pop star telling me about feminism.

I don’t need anyone to continuously defend (never apologize- that would be ludicrous!) their, though stupidly oblivious, sordid decisions. I just want more people to read. Read a book on why these videos satirical or otherwise are incredibly offensive. Read a book about why certain cultures have evolved into what they are and that culture (EVERYONE’S CULTURE) is so much more than what society insists on showing through tiny little filters in the media. Read a book about race. Read a book about race-relations or talk to someone who is black who is willing to explain, why, yes, anger is an appropriate emotion to project when black culture is constantly misconstrued and perpetuated absurdly in flagrantly unbelievable ways. Nobody likes to talk about racism which is why I guess I find myself writing about it on multiple occasions. There needs to be an open dialogue. People should get irritated, bewildered, flustered, startled, alarmed, amazed, confused about racism. It’s a confusing thing considering it’s all a global social construct, but whew. That’s for a different time. Let me reiterate here how perturbed I am by the lack of open discourse not only about race, but race in feminism.

I went to this forum about a month ago, where a whole bunch of “lady bloggers” (some worked for The Hairpin and Jezebel among other feminist/women-focused websites) addressed all sorts of vapid questions about how they fund their sites and how they got to where they are today, but there were absolutely no questions about race and feminism. I won’t even bother to talk about how ridiculous the term “lady blogger” is- OMG *takes a breath* Ok. Then it was the audience’s turn to ask questions. When one lady at the end of the Q&A attempted to get the panel’s opinion about race in terms of the feminist perspective, the moderator simply didn’t get to it. She just ignored it. I was floored. That would have been the perfect setting to discuss issues with minorities in feminism, but even there, WITH MINORITIES ON THE PANEL, no one wanted to talk about it. Mind-blowing. Sometimes, I just don’t care know about society…