I wrote this post last year (Believe Them) when there was a moment where quite a number of women and men were coming out and speaking their truth about being sexually assaulted. It’s around the time when the MeToo movement that Tarana Burke started to hit the mainstream. It’s disappointing what I wrote last year is still poignant and how little things have changed since then in terms of how (stupid people in) society reacts towards women opening up about assault.
It's a man's world.
*Sitting in the corner of a six-person seat on the metro north feeling strangely uncomfortable not only because I’m squeezed near the window surrounded by men, but feel like they expect me to fold within myself to take up less room while they manspread all over the place.
The man in front of me keeps stepping on my foot but in a very awkward way that makes me think he’s not just fidgeting but intentionally encroaching on my space. This. This is what it feels like to be a woman every day. There are moments I have every single day that make me grossly aware of my womanhood. In a way that makes me feel worried about my safety. I worry men will take advantage of me or mistreat me solely because they feel they can. Ugh, he’s seriously pushing his feet onto my side so my legs are sandwiched between his. I’m literally trapped here.*
This brings me to that protest on twitter that was ultimately about women being attacked and silenced both in social media and IRL. The entire point of a protest is to make people uncomfortable and to shed light on an otherwise ignored or (another word for “not thought about”) idea. That particular protest I felt went beyond just Rose Mcgowen’s account vein suspended and extended to every woman who has been the subject of men’s oppression which is let’s face it - all of us. It’s about calling attention to the injustices women face for just being a woman.
When the protest started there was immediately a backlash. People were saying silence was not the answer and that it’s silly to stop speaking since that is literally the point. That this platform gives you a voice. I get that. However, being off Twitter- one social media platform among very many- isn’t silencing yourself considering there are plenty of other ways to get your voice heard including, calling your senator to make sure women’s rights are in the forefront of their minds, writing pieces on inequities and misogyny that exists in myriad ways in society, speaking IRL to young women in your community encouraging them to speak up if they’re faced with oppression. Look at the attention that little hashtag got. People are talking and that is how change starts. Regardless if you don’t agree with this particular tactic. It worked. Twitter is now cracking down on trolls. Praise be.
UNFORTUNATELY, shortly after that hellish train ride, I had another questionable encounter with a man who asked me for directions then began to tell me he worked for [insert large entertainment company here] and asked if I had a few minutes to spare as I was walking to the train. He told me he wasn’t hitting on me, which I honestly didn’t think he was doing until he said it. I told him I didn’t have any time to speak at the moment and he told me earlier in the conversation he had a card but didn’t make any moves to offer it to me after declining his request to speak somewhere. It was all too much in the wake of the Weinstein I felt stupid and a little slighted that 1) I didn’t get that card, 2) was possibly being coerced into an uncomfortable situation 3) I’m completely overthinking this and that man was just being kind but in this day and age you can never fucking tell so you have to put your guard up and keep your wits about you so you don’t fall prey to a ‘nice guy’ trap because men are somehow getting angrier and stealthier about hurting women.
In this day and age, it’s been so hard to grasp reality and today was just super frekkin weird one.
* Note: I wrote that first part while literally on the train as it was happening. Writing is the only thing that kept me sane while I silently suffered. Yes, I feel like I should’ve said something, but I’m awful at confrontation and it paralyzed me. I’m not proud of it and I hope I can find the strength to be more vocal if anything like that ever happens again.
Year In Review - 2015
Everyone’s doing these stupid year round up posts so naturally I thought I would jump on board and add to the exhausting barrage of 2015 highlights and lowlights.
Just kidding I’m going to talk about my boring observations about society. Oh, I’m sorry, did you think this was going to be a fun year in review? Nah.
Pardon my french but, where the fuck do I begin? This year has been, as I’ve written before, an eye opening experience for a lot of people who were previously clueless about the war on black lives that is being waged and has been for years within the black community. This year is the rise of the discussion about white privilege, putting that idea into context, and even breaking it down in Buzzfeed posts to make it more palatable for the masses.
This year more people became ever so slightly more aware of the unconscionable hardships faced by trans people who continue to fight for a voice and their lives in this society of binary bullshit. Caitlyn Jenner’s coming out though very powerful is eclipsed by the amount of work that we need to do as a society to make sure everyone regardless of sex, gender, sexual orientation, etc. are not targeted and can feel safe no matter where they are in this country. Even typing that I can feel that heavy weight of hopelessness descend upon reality, but we must persist to move this country forward.
This year people are at their wits end with the incessant racism that saturates our incomprehensibly flawed justice system, how racism is still so alive and rampant, and the connection slavery has on the current racial climate.
This year there is more talk about class and it’s detrimental affect on society that is usually overlooked. Class is such a huge issue in this country and it’s a very real issue Presidential candidates are discussing while campaigning, but, honestly, not enough- except Bernie Sanders. Bernie’s been all over it.
This year we’ve also seen the rise of a wannabe leader whose purely racist rhetoric has lead to numerous acts of violence and his unapologetic followers have shockingly (or not so shockingly) risen in numbers to the true terror of the rest of the country. It’s been such a strange contrast with the rise of Bernie and his notion of an overhaul of American politics.
This year more people than ever have been getting upset by the concept of Hollywood white-washing stories about people of color, yet Hollywood continues do nothing about it. Surprise. Surprise. Also, this yea including another round of people who love getting mad when a person of color plays a white character, which gawd, get over it.
This year women have had to face numerous challenges to protect their bodies and minds from the onslaught of patriarchal arrogance, which we will always persevere against because we have no other choice until the shroud of masculinity is unraveled and disbanded. When we realize as a whole these constructs do nothing but divide and destroy, then can we create this utopian society that lives in my head where everyone is content with who they are without judgement from anyone and constantly high five-ing each other.
On a more personal level, this year has been another amazing growing/learning experience and I’ve been lucky enough to meet and get closer to so many incredible, funny, talented people. It makes me feel like this world can’t be ALL BAD. Here’s to 2016!
“We never say that all men deserve to feel beautiful. We never say that each man is beautiful in his own way. We don’t have huge campaigns aimed at young boys trying to convince them that they’re attractive, probably because we very rarely correlate a man’s worth with his appearance. The problem is that a woman’s value in this world is still very much attached to her appearance, and telling her that she should or deserves to feel beautiful does more to promote that than negate it. Telling women that they “deserve” to feel pretty plays right in to the idea that prettiness should be important to them. And having books and movies aimed at young women where every female protagonist turns out to be beautiful (whereas many of the antagonists are described in much less flattering terms) reinforces the message that beauty has some kind of morality attached to it, and that all heroines are somehow pretty.”
Behold, Ladies! The Enemy. →
I was on Facebook scrolling through my newsfeed of awkward vines, Buzzfeed articles, and videos with puppies & kids, when I stumbled across a post a friend jokingly put up that was a blatantly misogynistic list of things women need to do to appear more attractive to men. After realizing it wasn’t an Onion article, but something someone actually took time and energy to write in all seriousness-this listicle excrement.
I then did some digging and discovered the culprit who’s brain birthed this POS site, Return of Kings. It’s basically every feminists’ nightmare. The dude who created this insufferable garbage is named Roosh V., which sounds dangerously close to douche, which he invariably is. His Community Beliefs exude the horrifying ideology that plagues progress and makes you realize there are crazies out there among us, hidden behind computer screens intaking all of this nonsense, internalizing it, and later unleashing their vile harebrained ”knowledge” in all kinds of ways on unsuspecting women with a confusing confidence only a dolt with a small… mind can dole out without embarrassment. The Community Beliefs from the Return of Kings trash site themselves were more than enough to put me in a blind, raging frenzy.
The most painful “beliefs” include,
“ A woman’s value is mainly determined by her fertility and beauty. A man’s value is mainly determined by his resources, intellect, and character.”
“Elimination of traditional gender roles and the promotion of unlimited mating choice in women unleashes their promiscuity and other negative behaviors that block family formation.”
And finally,
“Women are sluts if they sleep around, but men are not. This fact is due to the biological differences between men and women.”
Somebody get me a glass of water. i’m burning up! If I ever meet a guy and he mentions anything like this I’m giving myself permission to knee him in the balls. If I EVER meet the dudes who penned any of the articles on any of the sites including the “king of douche” himself, lord help them. I hope there will be police around because I’m going to need to be tazed or shot to loosen my chokehold.
Not to mention, the site bans women or gays from commenting. So, don’t worry, homophobia also has a place in this unbelievable realm of pitiful men. We’re probably banned because we can ruin their inherently faulty “logic” with one sentence, obliterating their prejudice, privileged little community where they can hide from reality like sad, pathetic cowards who probably wear crocs and shirts with flames on them. No, this is not a test.
“Women and homosexuals are prohibited from commenting here. They will be immediately banned, and anyone who replies to them will also be banned. This includes replying in any thread that they started."
WHERE IS THAT GLASSS OF WATER?!
On top of that, the dude made books denoting the countries where it’s easy to hook up with women, though he puts it a lot less delicately, calling these anthropological gems, Bang Guides.
KSDBJAKDNCKNAOFOWFIBIVIS;ek374y9u40owf0rg0t3
**BURSTS INTO FLAMES**