Your Ordinary Citizen

I don’t even know where to start. I don't even know what to say. We all had the same information. We all had access to the same internet to do the same research. We all have seen and heard what this man is capable of and the buffoonery and carelessness he brings to the highest office. With all of that more of this country decided he was the better option than Kamala Harris who runs circles around him intellectually.

This country would rather an alleged sex offender, racist, convicted felon, rambling moron than a Black Indian Woman. That is what the polls have shown. That is what this country has decided and we all have to live with this decision for the next four years. We all have to be subject to the unthinkable consequences of this man being elected to office and how he will unravel our tenuous fabric of democracy.

This is going to be extremely brief, but I wanted to share that I’ve rebranded my blog to not just be my name but an actual title. I also updated the colors, because I wanted a change. I chose “Your Ordinary Citizen” because I think it genuinely reflects the feel and nature of this blog as it’s evolved over the years. I am a tiny voice in the masses but I do feel a lot of my opinions reflect those of ordinary folks who are out here just trying to make sense of the chaos and question the status quo.

I want to vote for Kamala Harris. I believe she will not implement structural changes that will negatively affect large portions of US citizens, like a sweeping reduction of human rights. However there is this glaring reality that this country is still funding a genocide affecting thousands of Palestinians. What I and so many people have been seeing is the campaign against project 2025, but where is the stance on what will happen to Palestine once Harris is elected?

An aggressive message relying on not Trump has been in the forefront of many a campaign strategy for the Harris campaign. While this is a strong stance in defiance of a person and partyy in dissary, there are still glaring injustices that are not being addressed. It is such a hard thing to reconcile because while obviously lots of people don’t want Trump to become president, there is still a glaring reality that Palestine is being bombarded by bombs and hatred supported by the US war machine. It is impossible and shameful to not question what this new administration will do in this incredibly difficult situation. A lot of the country is protesting for a ceasefire and with this change up of leadership many questions are still unanswered.

We are living in a country where people are struggling to make ends meet, but there are millions of dollars being ported to fund a war a majority of the country is against.

I wrote the above back in August amidst the excitement and fanfare at the newly supported nominee and the sigh of relief at a candidate that showed a sweeping improvement in morale from the cynicism of Biden’s reelection.

With impeccable timing and a palpable excitement, Kamala Harris has become the replacement candidate for the Democratic party after Joe Biden so graciously bowed out.

It was something pundits speculated, the people begged for, and seemed to be the only logical move for the Dem party after a number of events that began to make us all question Biden’s ability to aptly fulfill the strenuous duties of Commander in Chief. The abysmal debate last month was the proverbial nail in the coffin that left too much uncertainty and plainly doubt. The reality of winning in November felt like a distant possibility and voting felt like a choice between fascism and a candidate that seemed to be on the verge of collapse but a necessary alternative. All the election boiled down to was preserving democracy and not allowing a criminal to institute unfathomable restrictions on human rights and cruel policies. The fire that burned in the last election was extinguished and replaced with extreme desperation. And then Joe made the announcement we were all hoping he would make. He eloquently put in his resignation letter and dropped the mic. Then immediately endorsed Harris as the nominee.

Welp if you saw the debate a few weeks ago, you may, like me, be feeling a special sort of all encompassing doom and gloom gripping your chest. A crushing concern.

Over these past few weeks I have been grappling with what I watched. I’ve been trying to put into words the pure dismay, disbelief, and discouragement I felt during and after watching what felt like two ornery grandfathers during the holidays trying to convince their grandkids that they can still fully participate in strenuous family games. The one part where they just started talking about their golf handicaps had me in a state of pure shock. I kept asking Ian, “Is this real? Is this really happening?” To which he replied with a firm and resolute, “Yes.”

As protesting continues with increasing tension but steadfast resolve, it’s interesting to see how the country has been reacting. There’s also a confusing idea around protest being democratic but only the type of protest that doesn’t exist- a non disruptive one. It’s been clear (for a long, long time) while the government says protesting is a part of a healthy democracy they really don’t mean it.

Taking this trip at this particular time felt special because as a black person, I truly believe it’s important to enjoy rest/relaxation and just revitalize during Black History Month. I’ve written about this before, but the Nap Ministry has so much on the importance of rest as resistance. Not working, seeing the beauty of the world, and getting to learn and experience different perspectives was the best way to celebrate.

It’s the last day of the year and what a year this has been collectively, individually, emotionally, spiritually, physically. I personally have learned a lot about myself this year. I have undergone a number of changes and gone through revelations that continuously shape and humble me.

This year for me had its number of disappointments, challenges, issues I’ve worked through that have been surprising and unsurprising. I’m excited to apply all I’ve learned to the future and finally understand what it means to give myself grace. What a game changer. I will be celebrating what’s to come. The unknown. The endless possibilities that will manifest to create my future, but not without acknowledging that so many people have lost their futures this year in a war that is devastating an entire population of people. The Israeli government is continuing its siege on Palestinians. Everyone in Gaza is living through a horror that is not only reprehensible but unconscionable considering the number of CHILDREN’S lives lost. This country has failed us and humanity, especially considering the genocides that are happening all over the world that get little to no news coverage.

I was just looking back on a post from 2021 rehashing the year and mildly welcoming the new one. It was about a year after the pandemic and a lot of what I wrote about is still so poignant. The disappointment with the status quo, the despair in how little governments actually care about their people. The heaviness of death that year. So much of life is cyclical from different perspectives, feelings repeating, situations evolving, but change is that one constant. I find comfort in that. That change is iinevitable no matter what you’re going through. Your feelings today can change drastically tomorrow or even within the hour. I wish progress could be as consistent, as dependable. I’ve had to come to terms with how slow progress is and how incredibly difficult it can be to stay hopeful when there is so much going on in the world to feel utterly hopeless about. I’ve been feeling a lot of feelings recently. It’s been especially hard to grapple with continuing to go on and live life knowing there is so much violence happening elsewhere. This country’s news outlets do an excellent job of elevating particular conflicts for specific reasons (mostly ratings which equal money- it’s always about money), and completely ignoring their varied aspects. I’m still not sure why it’s so hard to call what’s happening in Gaza genocide.

As with everything in these last few weeks, it feels weird and uncomfortable to be moving through the motions knowing the suffering happening in Gaza and Israel. So today on Thanksgiving, one of my favorite holidays, writing about what I’m grateful for feels trite and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. It also feels strangely necessary to acknowledge the things that have kept me going and continue to give me hope in this utterly hopeless time. This post is not at all meant to diminish or lessen the very real and devastating reality of all the other atrocities currently being committed in Gaza, Sudan, and Congo, but for me it’s a way to deal with my feelings of sadness and despair, my disappointment in international leaders for continuing to allow war to be a way to “resolve” “disagreements.”