Friday Night Micro-Aggression Session.

I went to a symphony concert last night. It was last minute- my friend invited me just hours before. I went straight from work to meet up with my friend. No time to change, so I wasn’t wearing my finest threads, but didn’t look reprehensible. 
The concert was absolutely beautiful. The music was mostly by Brazilian composers and no joke one of the compositions sounded like something straight out of Wakanda. It was by Heitor Villa-Lobos, Chôros No. 10, “Rasaga o Coração.”

Afterward, we went to the reception since my other friend’s mom was in the orchestra. She was lovely. Anyway, the friend who invited me (also a poc) and I were standing and eating near the bar when a white man rolls up next to us while we’re mid-bite and starts talking.

     “My friends and I are wondering where all these people are coming from. Did you go to the show,” heavily implying we did not seem the type. We said yes and told him we really enjoyed it, explaining which piece was our favorite. His face contorted in confusion as if the song described hadn’t been apart of the repertoire. He then asked what we do. My friend told him his profession and I said I work at a startup. The man thought I said Starbucks and asked me about the sensitivity training employees had to go through after the Philly incident. I looked at him bewildered, and corrected him, “Start Up, not Starbucks,” I laughed, but internally was like-

Granted, ‘Startup’ and ‘Starbucks’ can sound quite similar when you’re chewing on a meatball. HOWEVER, a few things here:

1. We were visibly in the middle of eating and weren’t even talking to each other, so it was an awkward moment for a stranger to start a conversation.

2. Even if I did work at Starbucks, it’s another weird thing to bring up in a situation with people you JUST met- ungracefully and with questionable intention.

We then learned he was a minister and grew up in Japan with minister parents. He even has his own church in the east village - gawd bless. I know this isn’t fair, but all I could think about as he was telling us this was colonization, imperialism, and self-righteousness that comes with the idea that ‘others’ need to be taught Christianity to save their ‘savage’ souls but I digress. That topic warrants a whole other post.

At this point, he seemed to have gotten what he came for- making us uncomfortable and plugging his church. He walked away and I was very annoyed. Later on that night my friend and I revisited the conversation. I usually try to give white people the benefit of the doubt, but most times the conclusion remains the same: If I was white the conversation/situation would have gone differently.

This was certainly not as bad of an exchange as it could’ve been but micro-aggressions are still unacceptable. It was a violation of our space and comfort. There’s no escaping this behavior. People always say New York City is so progressive but there isn’t one inch of this country that is completely impervious to racism/prejudice.

At least the symphony and chorus was dope. Even he couldn’t ruin that.

https://www.grsymphony.org

WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR BRAIN?!

The ignorance, the selfishness, the plain inability to be empathetic and understanding. If you don’t understand the movement, the sentiment, behind Black Lives Matter you are not fit to involve yourself in any conversations about it. Your opinion isn’t helping. You’re not convincing anyone with your inept arguments. The only thing you are doing is expressing your intense disapproval of equality and progress. When you say, “All Lives Matter,” you’re neglecting a history of blatant violence, current systemic racism, and ignoring a plea to society for the equal treatment of black lives. I’m not sure how may times we have to say, Black Lives Matter does NOT mean, nobody else’s lives matter. What it means is there has been an unbalanced injustice in the black community, and this statement is calling attention to it. It doesn’t literally mean ONLY BLACK LIVES MATTER. YOU ARE ADDING IN WORDS. What I want to understand is why you can’t admit that you’re refusal to understand the movement is an implicit indication of racism or racist tendencies? Think about it. What other reason is keeping you from even reading about the plight of black people in America. What other reason is preventing you from sympathizing with the countless families who have lost wives, husbands, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, GRANDPARENTS, friends. What other possible reason can there be except you don’t think their black lives are more important than “police procedure,” which let’s get this straight, is obviously, perpetually being broken, shattered, tossed aside. 

That’s what it sounds like when you tell black people that the reason the police are shooting us is because we’re doing something “wrong,” we’re “not complying with the police,” or my favorite, “look like criminals.” If you don’t want to accept the fact you’re inherently racist, at least accept the fact that your prejudice is so astounding, that in all of your efforts you prove that you don’t believe “All Lives Matter” because you have zero compassion for those black people who lost theirs. I don’t understand why you get upset when people call you racist, yet you continue to exhibit racist behavior? It’s like you’re someone who’s afraid of heights, but won’t admit it and instead tell people, I just don’t want to be too far from the ground. JUST ADMIT IT. 

The thing is, you won’t, because you have no desire to change. You think everyone is out to get you and take away your rights, when in reality, we’re all just fighting to have the same rights. You won’t admit your fault because the term PC is bewilderingly offensive to you and the thought of being mindful of others’ feelings and concerns personally peeves to you. Instead of looking to figure out the stem of this discontent, you would rather relish in the rhetoric of a narcissistic megalomaniac who is hellbent on entrenching within this country homophobic, racist, and xenophobic polices that you wholeheartedly support. What made you so hateful and so angry that the thought of helping your fellow man or witnessing a weary outcry of a beleaguered community enrages you to the point where you leave comments like this on Ben & Jerry’s Facebook page:

Tom Bearman Lent  - Sade black lives matter does revolve around white people. Because within the context of BLM black lives only matter when a black person is killed by a white person. BLM doesn’t care about black on black,black on Hispanic or any other combination. You guys protest the vaugest of shut and use it as an excuse to attack white people.

Maximillian Shen As an Asian American, I see BLM being very similar to a domestic terrorist organization (disrupting others’ lives, threatening to kill non-blacks, etc.) Guess I will avoid Ben & Jerry’s for a while.

Jonathan Barclay I agree there is a problem. But when BLM openly advocates the murder of police officers then your movement lost all credibility. Like the KKK they are a terrorist organization. And your support of them causes me to now refuse to buy my favorite ice cream. I support accountability. FOR EVERYONE!

Jon Michael Necaise I will not be buying your products again since you support a extremely racist terror group who calls for the death of all white people and police. Fuck you Ben & Jerry’s

I’M SO TIRED.

*This post is not just for non-POC, but for anyone who feels the BLM movement is offensive.

Black People Are Tired Of Being Insulted

I used to be nervous to write about race. I distinctly remember writing in my LiveJournal about how I did not want to be the type of person that solely talked about the subject, because I’d read some really despicable things on forums (oh hai AOL) and didn’t want my blog to be a place for racists to have a platform. I had grand ideas for my blog. Sigh. Also, I felt inadequate to speak about such things because I was “only in high school” and was a bit intimidated by the controversial topic.  

Well, now, I’ve grown up and have increasingly given less and less f*cks about whether or not people will like what I have to say and realize now, that the internet is full of idiots writing about things they know nothing about. The internet has laid way to a wonderful world of free speech that gets to reach potentially millions, but when I read certain things on the world wide web, my heart weeps.

This brings me to the reason I’ve decided to crack open this cobwebbed Tumblr.

I’ve read a few articles recently that have me absolutely floored by the amount of self-righteous, pseudo-intellectual bs pulsating through them like a mind-numbing, stinky venom. It drips off of every instructional sentence about how black people should conduct themselves lest they are deserving of mistreatment and name calling. 

Most recently (literally this morning) I read an article with the obvious intention of ruffling feathers, because the name of it is, “Are So Called Black People Stupid?” I had to read over the title a few times when I saw it, because I was sure no one could be that unimaginative when it came to titling a post. No. It was real. However, the best part was yet to come as my eyeballs swept over insult after insult about black men and black women.

Before this wonderful piece, there was that article on Gawker called, Black People Are Cowards, a glorified rant about why all of the basketball players on the Clippers are cowards (and subsequently all Black people) because they didn’t quit their jobs on the spot after that infamous conversation between the team’s owner and his mistress leaked a few weeks ago. 

Ok.

I understand the frustration that is inherently in almost every person of color for the way American culture is continuously trying to define what it means to be a person of color instead of leaving that decision up to the individual. I get the hopelessness that sometimes settles into your entire being when you see a stereotypical character in some movie or popular TV show, because you know in some parts of the world (hell, the US) that character is one of the very few significant representations of your entire race and you can do nothing to defend the reality that the character is but one of many facets apart of your culture. I know. It’s unfair, it’s foolish, and it seems unavoidable.

However, just because the world makes you angry does not give you the right to put down or belittle anyone because they are not holding to your standards of reform. The first consciously incendiary article I mentioned opens with the always controversial N-word. This one ends in “a,” but it’s not like that even matters. Anyway, the author says he is fed up with black people referring to themselves in derogatory ways, which I don’t entirely disagree with, but do not feel this is a reason to call black people stupid. It’s the cavalier way the article is written, devoid of other viewpoints or explanations for embracing certain offensive terms that grinds my gears. My favorite part of the article is this:

“Most black American women will live in the projects, but wear the most expensive clothes they can buy. Hair done. Nails did…as they say. Eye brows arched.Why? You live in the damn projects. Your priority should be saving your money to move OUT of the damn projects, not looking fresh in the club to impress some other broke people…who live in the projects. Thats stupid.”

Wow. Ok. I’m not going to bother with statistics because who the hell cares when there’s obviously some kind of class shaming going on all over this. People who don’t live in the projects do the same thing. Why perpetuate this stereotype and why put it so simply as if all that needed to be done was “save up money.” There is a perceptible hopelessness in some areas of the black community that manifests in different ways. It’s not effing stupidity, it’s systemic and institutionalized racism. It’s yes, I will never stop saying it, slavery. Yes, it happened 150 years ago, but it still haunts Black Americans today and continues to be the basis for a lot of this “second citizen” thought, prejudice, and ultimately racism. Our country was built on blood. It’s infuriating to hear people deny the reality that slavery made America what it is today, which is why there is still this discernible racial divide everyone’s reluctant to talk about in fear of being called a “radical” or “uppity." 

The article goes on to say this:

”I did not write this to offend you, but to make you think. I have to say that because black Americans are emotional, and have a need to refute, debunk, debate, and counter everything you say.

Well, refute this.

Black Americans complain about living in a police state and injustice, but what are they doing about it, besides marching, praying, holding rallies, and joining groups that have never done a damn thing for them?

Hold on. That was way too complicated. Black Americans will start making excuses about us coming together “as a people” before anything can change.“

You’re right, a-hole (sorry, that one slipped), I will refute this because this is written with little compassion or regard to human decency. 

I’m not going to go on about how much Black people have accomplished in that 150 years after being human property, but I will say we’re definitely moving towards progress.

Also, I don’t disagree with everything he wrote, but I honestly feel there is a way to express dislike besides creating posts full of offensive pictures and statements to get your point across.

My plea for anyone about to go on a tirade against the actions of Black people, do so with respect and humility. Bring a level of dignity to the conversation instead of condemning and name-calling, which brings me to that second article on Gawker. Here’s a literary turd I stepped in with my eyes- I mean, here’s one part that was annoying:

”The most common excuse I’ve heard for today’s cowardice is “they need to feed their families,” which of course is a euphemism for “for the money.” You know, the blacks that sold other blacks into slavery, there’s a good chance they used some of that money to feed their families too. So, that makes them cool with all of y’all?“

How interesting. Comparing Clippers’ players to Black people who sold their brethren into slavery? Totally valid. Yeah, no. 

This author goes on to say Black people are cowards because…uh… what was it, yes:

”Let’s step it up and take off from work and stay home with our kids until these preposterous tenure rules are revoked from public schools and it’s the kids that can’t be fired, not the teachers.“

What a lofty idea. 

It’s strange because throughout the article he negates to venture towards the really interesting truth- quitting your job is a privilege. Yes, it is something that many of us (humans) dream of doing daily, but cannot because of those pesky necessities like food, water and shelter. Could those basketball dudes quit their jobs? Sure,probably! They don’t though probably because it’s their livelihood and they’re not going to let some cheating senile old bigot get under their skin because all of a sudden the public knows his innermost thoughts about race that were probably not so surprising to people he interacted with everyday anyway. 

Now, I am all for social revolution and reform, but I’m not going to say I know how to go about changing the minds of ignorant people everywhere. The issue is bigger than all of us. It has to do with a system that is designed to oppress, but overcoming it has to do with loving yourself on your own terms, not bringing anyone down.

I am not going to tell people that they have to encourage change by solely doing yadda yadda, I have no right to tell someone they’re not helping the cause, because at the end of the day it is a choice. It’s a choice that we all have to make and should not be coerced into anything. If someone does not want to quit their job because their boss is a douche, they have that right and I will not judge them.

There is that saying, be the change you want to see in the world. So, with my little blog I intend to do just that. Write my little heart out about the race though I promised my 15-year-old self I wouldn’t. I know it’s not nearly enough to just write about race, but it’s a start, right?

For those of you who want to read those articles in their entirety and get pissed off like I did, here you go:

https://m.app.box.com/view_shared/z3n3yquiw7k3a36drftw - NSFW!!! There are some lewd photos in there, which just seems, frankly, hypocritical. Also, the dude’s actual site is expired. I would really have loved to see what else was on there. Bummer. 

And

http://gawker.com/black-people-are-cowards-1568673014

Open Letter To African American Kids... er, Black Kids.

Dear Black Kids,

I’m going to follow this irritating trend I’ve been seeing with celebrities writing these boring open letters about vapid, stupid things like Miley Cyrus’s future/well-being. I want to write a letter to African American kids argh, people of slave decent that live in this country and anyone of color really who is constantly subjected to prejudicial standards, constantly told they are to be a certain way or suffer the dire consequences of being ostracized and ridiculed. You are not alone.

Let me tell you an anecdotal tale of ignorance that has stuck with me for years. Don’t worry it’s not in the bad way where I think about it every night before I go to bed, tearful and broken down, begging for some kind of solace in solitude. I don’t rock back and forth in the dark praying for this experience to disappear from my brain matter forever. It actually makes me kind of sad and a little bit angry, which does nothing but drive me to be as me as possible.

It was a late night after dance class. My friend’s mom picked us up and we could barely contain our excitement in the back seat of the car for we were on our way to see the SpiceWorld. We excitedly chatted in the back about our favorite spice girls (Scary was mine and Sporty was hers - the best two if you ask me). Mid-conversation her mother turned around and said to me, “You speak so well. You sound just like a white girl.” I was stunned. My ten-year old self knew what she was saying sounded inherently wrong because I didn’t understand what “speaking white” meant let alone the fact she was insinuating black people were not allowed to speak a certain way. Now, let me clear something else up since we’re on the topic of vernacular. This is another lesson I had to learn thanks to mainstream media and a heap of other prejudices I embarrassingly collected, unknowingly, over the years. The way you speak does not define you. This is maybe one of the most important lessons that are never taught. It doesn’t matter what words you use to express yourself they are not in direct correlation with intellect, compassion, empathy, passion, etc. How you speak is merely something taught. No one should feel they need to speak a certain way to fit in or be comfortable in this country. People DO need to heed their personal issues with race and language and not be judgey assholes like I once was and I’m not going to lie, sometimes, still am. I try to check myself as often as possible to remind myself not to fall into the man-eating trap of racism and stereotyping. Anyway, that comment was the first of many I would endure over the course of eight years from middle school all the way through high school.

This letter is for those black kids who were/are called “white” because of how they speak, dress, the music they listen to, the movies they like. This letter is for the black kids who want to break out of these ridiculous stereotypes and represent themselves instead of an ideal perpetuated and almost mandated by this now secretly racist society. Don’t be daft. Racism has not ceased to exist because there is a black president, au contraire it has become more clandestine, more cunning and exposes itself oh so subtlety in the underrepresented models of color, in the exoticized black character in sitcoms and dramas, in the “she/he looks good for a black woman/man” comments among scores of others.

This letter is for those black kids who so desperately want to be something more than their skin color. It’s for those kids who will never forget where they came from but are ready to move forward to where they want to be. This letter is to explain that there is no one in this world who is allowed to tell you who you are except for you. This letter is a plea to society to back the hell up off these racial constructs that have done nothing but harm and divide a nation that is in need of major healing.

A lot has changed since I was a kid. This whole “natural hair phenomenon” alone is enough to make my head spin. It’s fantastic! However, it is a baby step in the right direction. Tyler Perry movies still exist so movement will always be a bit stunted, in my opinion. The rage he incites in me is unparalleled. I digress.

In conclusion, be you. You are beautiful no matter what they say. Yes, I just used a Christina Aguilera lyric, but it is true. No matter what anyone says you are beautiful. You just have to believe it. No one can have any power over you unless you let them. Ok, yeah, that was Eleanor Roosevelt. Again, it’s true. No one is allowed to tell you who you are.

I will close this letter with a quote from the late Amiri Baraka,

“There’s no intrinsic value of being black; there’s no intrinsic value of being white. It’s a fake concept, but certainly I’ve…been oppressed by it all my life.”

Don’t let these concepts oppress you.

Love from the moon and back again,

Christina