Trying Something New

Instead of posting my random ramblings on Tumblr, I've decided to up my game and actually start using this Squarespace site I've literally had for years and have done nothing with.

I KNOW. I KNOW.

In an effort to hold myself more accountable for writing and actually commit to a calendar, I thought changing the platform on which I expressed myself might encourage feelings of oh I don't know consistency and responsibility? LOLOLOLOLOL

I'm literally writing this and playing God of War at the same time. WILL I EVER GROW UP?!

Anyway, I have nothing insane to rattle on about, but I did just come back from an amazing trip to Paris and Amsterdam (I'm moving there eventually, it is settled). I kinda wanna make a post about it, but we shall see. Still trying to figure out logistics (posting a billion pictures, or trying to go through every day of the trip).

Welp just wanted to update all two of you who read my blog. I appreciate you. And I see you.

Will post soon!!

Friday Night Micro-Aggression Session.

I went to a symphony concert last night. It was last minute- my friend invited me just hours before. I went straight from work to meet up with my friend. No time to change, so I wasn’t wearing my finest threads, but didn’t look reprehensible. 
The concert was absolutely beautiful. The music was mostly by Brazilian composers and no joke one of the compositions sounded like something straight out of Wakanda. It was by Heitor Villa-Lobos, Chôros No. 10, “Rasaga o Coração.”

Afterward, we went to the reception since my other friend’s mom was in the orchestra. She was lovely. Anyway, the friend who invited me (also a poc) and I were standing and eating near the bar when a white man rolls up next to us while we’re mid-bite and starts talking.

     “My friends and I are wondering where all these people are coming from. Did you go to the show,” heavily implying we did not seem the type. We said yes and told him we really enjoyed it, explaining which piece was our favorite. His face contorted in confusion as if the song described hadn’t been apart of the repertoire. He then asked what we do. My friend told him his profession and I said I work at a startup. The man thought I said Starbucks and asked me about the sensitivity training employees had to go through after the Philly incident. I looked at him bewildered, and corrected him, “Start Up, not Starbucks,” I laughed, but internally was like-

Granted, ‘Startup’ and ‘Starbucks’ can sound quite similar when you’re chewing on a meatball. HOWEVER, a few things here:

1. We were visibly in the middle of eating and weren’t even talking to each other, so it was an awkward moment for a stranger to start a conversation.

2. Even if I did work at Starbucks, it’s another weird thing to bring up in a situation with people you JUST met- ungracefully and with questionable intention.

We then learned he was a minister and grew up in Japan with minister parents. He even has his own church in the east village - gawd bless. I know this isn’t fair, but all I could think about as he was telling us this was colonization, imperialism, and self-righteousness that comes with the idea that ‘others’ need to be taught Christianity to save their ‘savage’ souls but I digress. That topic warrants a whole other post.

At this point, he seemed to have gotten what he came for- making us uncomfortable and plugging his church. He walked away and I was very annoyed. Later on that night my friend and I revisited the conversation. I usually try to give white people the benefit of the doubt, but most times the conclusion remains the same: If I was white the conversation/situation would have gone differently.

This was certainly not as bad of an exchange as it could’ve been but micro-aggressions are still unacceptable. It was a violation of our space and comfort. There’s no escaping this behavior. People always say New York City is so progressive but there isn’t one inch of this country that is completely impervious to racism/prejudice.

At least the symphony and chorus was dope. Even he couldn’t ruin that.

https://www.grsymphony.org

No, it’s not scholarly - it’s racist.

My head is reeling from reading an article on the National Review site tweeted by Jeffrey Wright about the importance of proactive policing and the significant positive implications of gentrification. 

“A black New Yorker is 50 times more likely to commit a shooting than a white New Yorker.” Hmm…I’m slacking. https://t.co/Sj8YgxpgJi’

The overarching theme of the article is that gentrification is the reason for the crime drop in New York City and that ‘cop critics’ don’t have any justification for their outcry against police brutality because whatever the cops are doing is directly influencing the decrease in crime rates- this includes stop and frisk and other unsubstantiated practices. The whole article is an insult to anyone with a comprehensive- no with an ounce of understanding of the history of violence perpetrated by police at alarming levels against the black community. Anyone who grasps the history of this country can surmise that the relationship between the black community and police is not a spontaneous manifestation of tension- this article talks about the Black Lives Matter movement in such a cavalier naive way. This sentiment about injustice when it comes to condemning black lives has been incubating for centuries. It’s also known there is a direct correlation between crime and economic hardship. When this country understands that slavery has been and continues to be a blemish on our history and its affect are felt present-day will we ever get passed these putrid allowances of ignorance that everything is so simple (no pun intended) - black and white. 

There were a few passages in this article that really feeds into the rampant racism that the president has encouraged in this country. And that’s another thing. This presidency. It has ripped open wounds and incited crimes of hatred like no other presidency in history. There’s no way that reality can be disregarded at this point. Anyway, I digress. Here are some of the most blatantly racist passages I’ve seen on a national publication:

This demographic transformation has enormous implications for crime. A black New Yorker is 50 times more likely to commit a shooting than a white New Yorker, according to perpetrator identifications provided to the police by witnesses to, and victims of, those shootings.

(This is about the gentrification of Bed-Stuy. Barf.)

——

When the racial balance of a neighborhood changes radically, given those crime disparities, its violent-crime rate will as well. (This racial crime disparity reflects the breakdown of the black family and the high percentage of black males — upwards of 80 percent in some neighborhoods — being raised by single mothers.)

(I mean, I honestly thought she was just going to come out and say the N-word at this point. I’m not even sure what this is supposed to convey to support her argument. It’s just an empty generalization that was thrown in here to infer some nefarious ideas about black families.)

——

It is that gentrification which is now helping fuel the ongoing crime drop. Urban hipsters are flocking to areas that once were the purview of drug dealers and pimps, trailing in their wake legitimate commerce and street life, which further attracts law-abiding activity and residents in a virtuous cycle of increasing public safety. 

(It’s like she’s saying, gentrification is wonderful for crime since it means pushing POC out of neighborhoods so white people can ‘virtuously’ live their lives. I CANNOT.)

This article had my head spinning and I was at a loss at how something so blatantly biased could be published under the guise of journalism and not OPINION because that’s what this sounds like to me. The facts presented are rolled up into a self-righteous, pious assortment of conjecture and perspective. It’s beyond disrespectful/insulting and solidifies what everyone already knows- racism is alive and thriving in America.

Believe Them.

You should believe women.

Think about how immensely difficult it must be to talk about sexual assault. Think about our society and how sex is still seen as this unholy, unspeakable act of hedonism. Think about how women are objectified in film and TV. It’s improving, but it’s still nowhere near okay. 

Think about women and how they’re taught to be demure, soft-spoken, to take up as little space as possible. Think about trans women who mostly don’t even get a fighting chance in this world because there is a violent resistance to their very existence. Think about how they have to operate differently in the world as women because people don’t understand how women can still be women in a nonheteronormative/strictly binary sense. Think about how these women don’t get common, decent respect. Think about how people won’t value them as people- HUMANS. We must be better as a society.

Think about all those things and then think about the reactions you’ve had/you’ve seen to sexual assault when even a shadow of a doubt is cast on the accuser. Think about how the first reaction is, what was she wearing. Think about how she’s instantly labeled something fiercely harsh and explicitly, negatively sexual because she was violated. Now think about why it may take so much time for a woman to think about all of these things, have to weigh the backlash for an assault on their bodies, and maybe think it’s not worth it while the men go on to assault their next victims. It’s because society breeds an acceptance of this behavior. It’s because it’s too much to think about and even more to remedy. It’s because we’ve grown so accustomed to letting men get with abusing women, instilling misogyny into the core of American values.

You should believe men.

Think about how hard it is in a society that embraces hyper-masculinity to a fault. Think about how men have been taught to ignore or suppress feelings so as to not seem like ‘a girl,’ because femininity is the enemy in a patriarchal society. Think about how men are assumed to be the aggressor in any situation, especially in a sexual situation. Think about the rigidity of male sexuality and the continued stigma of the expression of love between two men. Think about how this dynamic is problematic. Think about how men don’t want to come forward because of this blatant stigma. Think about the church. Think about the many cases of abuse that have been denied or paid off. Think about how these very instances have made men and boys not even involved with the church see how abuse isn’t taken seriously in a place where you’re supposed to feel the safest. If there’s no justice there, then why even bother reporting sexual abuse.

Sexual assault is not exclusive to gender, sexual orientation, identity, politics, religion, race, creed. It has nothing to do with political correctness or policing rights. It has everything to do with respect. It has everything to do with valuing a human as a human and knowing that basic human rights are being scrutinized, analyzed, conjectured, but not thought about as THE BASIC HUMAN RIGHT TO NOT BE MOLESTED, TO NOT BE TOUCHED, TO NOT FEEL UNSAFE. It’s a basic human right to privacy of your fucking body and to feel unsafe in any situation because someone doesn’t feel they need to respect your body is intrinsically unacceptable. No one- NO ONE should be made to feel sexual assault is allowable EVER.

So, when there are men/women being accused of sexual assault. BELIEVE the accusations. Yes, there is that tiny percentage that throws everyone off, but look at that percentage and think about the many women in your life. Would you rather immediately negate their accusations and continue this outrageous cycle of victim-blaming, or would you rather give that woman space and time to share her story without instant judgment?

All the women and men who have been so brave to come forward have been a true inspiration and I hope this momentum continues so we can all learn and grow from this blaring mistake of our past. Unfortunately, the leader of the land has yet to face any consequences of his actions, but I have hope that these other accusations will pressure the GOP to do something right and good for once.

It's a man's world.

*Sitting in the corner of a six-person seat on the metro north feeling strangely uncomfortable not only because I’m squeezed near the window surrounded by men, but feel like they expect me to fold within myself to take up less room while they manspread all over the place. 

The man in front of me keeps stepping on my foot but in a very awkward way that makes me think he’s not just fidgeting but intentionally encroaching on my space. This. This is what it feels like to be a woman every day. There are moments I have every single day that make me grossly aware of my womanhood. In a way that makes me feel worried about my safety. I worry men will take advantage of me or mistreat me solely because they feel they can. Ugh, he’s seriously pushing his feet onto my side so my legs are sandwiched between his. I’m literally trapped here.*

This brings me to that protest on twitter that was ultimately about women being attacked and silenced both in social media and IRL. The entire point of a protest is to make people uncomfortable and to shed light on an otherwise ignored or (another word for “not thought about”) idea. That particular protest I felt went beyond just Rose Mcgowen’s account vein suspended and extended to every woman who has been the subject of men’s oppression which is let’s face it - all of us. It’s about calling attention to the injustices women face for just being a woman.

When the protest started there was immediately a backlash. People were saying silence was not the answer and that it’s silly to stop speaking since that is literally the point. That this platform gives you a voice. I get that. However, being off Twitter- one social media platform among very many- isn’t silencing yourself considering there are plenty of other ways to get your voice heard including, calling your senator to make sure women’s rights are in the forefront of their minds, writing pieces on inequities and misogyny that exists in myriad ways in society, speaking IRL to young women in your community encouraging them to speak up if they’re faced with oppression. Look at the attention that little hashtag got. People are talking and that is how change starts. Regardless if you don’t agree with this particular tactic. It worked. Twitter is now cracking down on trolls. Praise be.

UNFORTUNATELY, shortly after that hellish train ride, I had another questionable encounter with a man who asked me for directions then began to tell me he worked for [insert large entertainment company here] and asked if I had a few minutes to spare as I was walking to the train. He told me he wasn’t hitting on me, which I honestly didn’t think he was doing until he said it. I told him I didn’t have any time to speak at the moment and he told me earlier in the conversation he had a card but didn’t make any moves to offer it to me after declining his request to speak somewhere. It was all too much in the wake of the Weinstein I felt stupid and a little slighted that 1) I didn’t get that card, 2) was possibly being coerced into an uncomfortable situation 3) I’m completely overthinking this and that man was just being kind but in this day and age you can never fucking tell so you have to put your guard up and keep your wits about you so you don’t fall prey to a ‘nice guy’ trap because men are somehow getting angrier and stealthier about hurting women.

In this day and age, it’s been so hard to grasp reality and today was just super frekkin weird one.

* Note: I wrote that first part while literally on the train as it was happening. Writing is the only thing that kept me sane while I silently suffered. Yes, I feel like I should’ve said something, but I’m awful at confrontation and it paralyzed me. I’m not proud of it and I hope I can find the strength to be more vocal if anything like that ever happens again.