Believe Them.

You should believe women.

Think about how immensely difficult it must be to talk about sexual assault. Think about our society and how sex is still seen as this unholy, unspeakable act of hedonism. Think about how women are objectified in film and TV. It’s improving, but it’s still nowhere near okay. 

Think about women and how they’re taught to be demure, soft-spoken, to take up as little space as possible. Think about trans women who mostly don’t even get a fighting chance in this world because there is a violent resistance to their very existence. Think about how they have to operate differently in the world as women because people don’t understand how women can still be women in a nonheteronormative/strictly binary sense. Think about how these women don’t get common, decent respect. Think about how people won’t value them as people- HUMANS. We must be better as a society.

Think about all those things and then think about the reactions you’ve had/you’ve seen to sexual assault when even a shadow of a doubt is cast on the accuser. Think about how the first reaction is, what was she wearing. Think about how she’s instantly labeled something fiercely harsh and explicitly, negatively sexual because she was violated. Now think about why it may take so much time for a woman to think about all of these things, have to weigh the backlash for an assault on their bodies, and maybe think it’s not worth it while the men go on to assault their next victims. It’s because society breeds an acceptance of this behavior. It’s because it’s too much to think about and even more to remedy. It’s because we’ve grown so accustomed to letting men get with abusing women, instilling misogyny into the core of American values.

You should believe men.

Think about how hard it is in a society that embraces hyper-masculinity to a fault. Think about how men have been taught to ignore or suppress feelings so as to not seem like ‘a girl,’ because femininity is the enemy in a patriarchal society. Think about how men are assumed to be the aggressor in any situation, especially in a sexual situation. Think about the rigidity of male sexuality and the continued stigma of the expression of love between two men. Think about how this dynamic is problematic. Think about how men don’t want to come forward because of this blatant stigma. Think about the church. Think about the many cases of abuse that have been denied or paid off. Think about how these very instances have made men and boys not even involved with the church see how abuse isn’t taken seriously in a place where you’re supposed to feel the safest. If there’s no justice there, then why even bother reporting sexual abuse.

Sexual assault is not exclusive to gender, sexual orientation, identity, politics, religion, race, creed. It has nothing to do with political correctness or policing rights. It has everything to do with respect. It has everything to do with valuing a human as a human and knowing that basic human rights are being scrutinized, analyzed, conjectured, but not thought about as THE BASIC HUMAN RIGHT TO NOT BE MOLESTED, TO NOT BE TOUCHED, TO NOT FEEL UNSAFE. It’s a basic human right to privacy of your fucking body and to feel unsafe in any situation because someone doesn’t feel they need to respect your body is intrinsically unacceptable. No one- NO ONE should be made to feel sexual assault is allowable EVER.

So, when there are men/women being accused of sexual assault. BELIEVE the accusations. Yes, there is that tiny percentage that throws everyone off, but look at that percentage and think about the many women in your life. Would you rather immediately negate their accusations and continue this outrageous cycle of victim-blaming, or would you rather give that woman space and time to share her story without instant judgment?

All the women and men who have been so brave to come forward have been a true inspiration and I hope this momentum continues so we can all learn and grow from this blaring mistake of our past. Unfortunately, the leader of the land has yet to face any consequences of his actions, but I have hope that these other accusations will pressure the GOP to do something right and good for once.

Oh Boy, Here We Go.

OMFG. Another blaring snafu by mainstream media “outing” this actor because of an ambiguous response he made to a fan. I’m not sure what the point of blasting the air waves with this guy’s sexuality is, but it’s incredibly unprofessional to write an article without researching its, in the words of the great Stephen Colbert, truthiness. 

I’m not saying it doesn’t matter if this actor is gay, because I do think actors who come out have some affect, giving confidence to those who are less inclined to disclose their sexuality due to fear of being ostracized or chastised. However, not sharing who you’re attracted to with the masses (or anyone) is also completely fine, because in reality, it’s nobody’s gd business. This obsession with people’s sexuality in Hollywood has taken a turn for the absurd and it’s getting almost offensive the way people write about these actors coming out as if they’re “hiding a secret” or trying to deceive the public. IT’S NOT THE PUBLIC’S BUSINESS. However, it is within the media’s interest to at least fake an actual source and fact check their work. I mean, c’monnnnn.

Anyway, I wish we could just eradicate celebrity news altogether. On many occasions I find myself being able to reproduce details about a celebrity’s life that I don’t even know about my own family’s. Chris, what’s your aunt’s new husband’s name? I don’t know, but I can list all of the relationships Britney Spears has been in since 2003, does that help?

There is definitely more to these coming out stories on a more emotional level, but the way the media handles them just seems problematic. I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something that feels strange when seeing a headline in huge obnoxious letter plastered above Kimye’s recent photo-op at a CVS like, “American actor Colton Haynes just publicly came out via Tumblr, although his gayness has been an open secret since 2006″ or this line “Well, this is certainly interesting and if true, definitely cool. Colton Haynes may have just come out of the closet while responding to a Tumblr comment about his ‘secret gay past.’ Check it out here!”

It just sounds so demeaning. Maybe that’s just me. 

Also, the more interesting story about all of these celebrities coming out is more to do with why they waited in the first place. It’s probably because of the messed up machine that is Hollywood, and this dumb puritanical society in which we live. I’d love to see an exposé on the oppressive nature of Hollywood in general. Maybe I’ll pull on my journalism trousers and ruffle some feathers.

I’m done with rambling for the day. And to Colton Haynes, you do you, boo.

Is this Mens or Womens?

I have worked in retail for a good portion of my life  (more than I would ever have liked) and have encountered numerous occurrences involving gender and sexuality that baffle and intrigue me. The one question I’m going to be focusing on today has not ceased and seems to get more desperate with every passing year, “Is this the mens section?” I’ll get that question from some girl who has stumbled into the aisle of flannels that look surprisingly like every other flannel because they’re flannels and when I tell them they have in fact picked up a mens shirt it’s almost like they’ve touched fire and throw the garment down or shove it back into the rack as if it’s covered in syphilis.

My favorite encounter, though, happened recently when a dude came into the store and began looking around with a completely befuddled look on his face. I asked him if he needed any help and he responded with a little anecdote about how he was in another one of these stores and was accidentally shopping in -gasp- the womens section and failed to notice though the clothes “seemed to be super tiny.” He told me he asked an associate there and they directed him to the mens section to which he responded to the associate, “I was just testing you.” Wow. They guy was that embarrassed by being in the womens section that he cracked an awful joke so as to conserve his ego? Sad. WHO CARES?! If I find something cute and it fits me the way I like it then I’m buying it regardless of what section of the store I find it in. I even accidentally gave some dude a sweatshirt I thought was mens, but it turns out, it wasn’t! HA! And he lovedddd it. This just goes to show how stupid it is to separate mens and womens clothes because really, they’re just clothes. Putting all these connotations on cotton is just plain ridiculous, but here I go again with not understanding society and all these gender binaries and sexual inferences. 

I used to dress in boys clothes in high school because I found them a lot more comfortable and made me feel less like a sexual object and more like a human being. And no I’m not saying ladies who wear ladies clothing are sexual objects, I am saying in high school I was a nervous nelly and didn’t like anyone looking at me in a suggestive way, it embarrassed me. Now however, I am all about the short shorts and crop tops, but the attention is still unwarranted and makes me ill. I’m just a lot more comfy with my body now than I was in the past. 

Anyway, there was another incident where a customer was visibly disturbed by shopping in the wrong section. A woman came into the store browsing lazily, picking up a few items here and there. She (OMG OMG OMG) wound up in the mens section and picked up some article of clothing, I can’t remember exactly what, and asked me if it was a mens item. Yes, I responded. She curled up her nose as if she smelled the bowels of Shelob’s lair and tossed the whatever-it-was back on the table with pure disgust. It made me think, Do people actually believe someone else will be able to tell whether or not what they’re wearing was made for men or women? Do they believe others are that invested in their personal appearance? Or what is it really that incited this unfathomable fear? Is it the thought that someone may think them queer (and yes I mean that in every way the word is/has been used)? Ugh, so stupid. 

With this refreshing new stance on masculinity and the (finally) sort of kind of change in the way women are portrayed in pop culture, I hoped this question would all but cease to be asked. Oh how wrong I was. OH! And I won’t go into the dress code of this company because quite frankly it borders on discrimination and well, that’s a completely different topic for a completely different time. I will just say, men are not allowed to wear womens clothes, which I find absurd on so many levels. Again, I won’t get into it (yet), but hold on to your panties y'all because I feel it comin’.