Cat Calling: Conversation Repellant

There was this one time I was watching Ugly Betty when I was going through an emotionally trying period. Ok, I was just bored. Anyway, I was watching this scene where Betty was walking through her neigborhood and some men started yelling profane things like, “Hey baby, where YOU goin’,” and whistling obscenely. Now, I know you’re probably like, but how the hell can you whistle obscenely? Think of this cartoon when you try to imagine the person from which this seemingly innocent sound is coming…

Super sexy.

The thing that disturbed me immensely about that scene was that when Betty discovered those Neanderthals weren’t directing their sexually frustrated attention toward her, but some other innocent woman, she looked disappointed. I understand what the scene was suppose to mean. Betty wanted the men to find her attractive because she doesn’t receive that kind of attention very often, if at all, but that opens the Pandora’s Box to a whole new horrible wave of thought that women need men to validate their looks and that it’s acceptable to cat call women as long as it’s a “compliment.”

Women love compliments, amiright?! Unsolicited, explicit comments about their bodies because it makes them feel good that men notice. Yeah, you keep thinking that.

There have been a flurry of wonderful pieces about how frustrated women are by this age-old occurrence, and there’s so much to be said about the people who respond with, “You women are overreacting.” No the f*ck we’re not. Women can’t complain about mistreatment because then we’re seen as crazy, emotional hysterics or, even better, the abominable F word, which leads me to another rant about the stigma attached to feminism.

No, seriously, this is a real question. I do not understand women against feminism. I understand women who maybe don’t agree with a lot of feminist thought, but being actively AGAINST feminism? I imagine this demographic as being very young impressionable girls who have not yet seen the harsh reality of gender inequality and have not ever watched an episode of *insert CW show here* where women are basically mindless objects that are strictly obsessed with male characters on the show instead of, well, anything else. Sigh, I digress. Back to cat calling.

I can go through my plethora of highly irritating, creepster stories of men old enough to be my father “paying me compliments” while I begrudgingly walk pass, repeating in my head, “Please don’t say anything to me. Please don’t say anything to me. Please don’t say anything to me. Please don’t say anything to me.” I can share with you the sinking feeling when I am disappointed time after time by the effortless nonsense that flows out of these “gentlemen’s” mouths and their genuine bewilderment when they don’t get the reaction they believe they deserve. What do they expect?! "Oh, you like how my butt looks in my dress? Here’s my phone number.“

NOT GONNA HAPPEN, BUDDY. However, what I really want to share is the feeling I get when someone is telling me to "Smile,” or “I can eat you up,” or “Where’re you goin?” It’s not necessarily a feeling of fear or discomfort, but those are most definitely present. It’s disbelief. Because these men feel they can talk to me however they want, it makes me feel devalued, insignificant, unimportant, powerless. I cannot control someone else’s actions, but I would hope that in this world there is an understood undercurrent of respect we give each other, but when I’m cat called that respect is lost. It feels dehumanizing. When I just want to walk to the train to get to work early in the morning, I don’t want to have to walk by another human and pray they don’t ruin the next 10/15 minutes of my day with a disrespectful statement about my body. No, it’s not fair, and it’s not acceptable. It has got to stop.

 

Women do like compliments, hell everybody likes compliments, but there is a place and time that is appropriate for doling out these intimate observations, and that time is ON A DATE with the person or at least having spoken to them for some time. It’s not a conversation starter. In fact, it is the opposite of a conversation starter. It is conversation repellant. 

Can't We All Just Get Along?!

I don’t know where this ardent rage and despicable hatred for LGBTQ individuals came from within the black community, but since I’ve been reading The Root it’s become this unfathomable, remarkably disturbing disappointment. There are so many people of color who hate as passionately as racists. It seems when people don’t understand someone else’s lifestyle they react with unrelenting malice and distaste. A reaction full of judgment and impenetrable pride drastically reducing the likelihood of changing minds. Some of the comments include this gem, “I don’t understand why people are honoring this disgusting sexuality. This is nothing to honor his life style (if it’s true) is a sin against life. Woman was made for man to create life. That’s how babies are born. Two men nor two woman can’t create life. Im sick of our on the news tv shows etc….” To say this about anyone while touting religious superiority, spewing this that is so obviously devoid of everything for which Jesus stood. This garbage makes me clench my teeth in anger. But that’s not all, here are another few comments I found written in response to a person who attended their first Gay marriage to get the blood boiling. These comments are from this post on Facebook:

“SICK, SICK, SICK, not the sinner but the S I N, we started out male and female now some people got it ALL messed up to say the lest”

What?!

“This is sick illicit pervetted and the beginnings of the castration of the black male. Wake up black men and learn to embrace your God given gender role and sexuality God loves you just as you are.”

Sigh.Gotta love when religion gets involved because so many people seem to think they can speak for an omnipresent being.

“The world doesn’t have to know what your sexual preference is, many of us dont care! If I look at you,smell you, talk to you, I cannot tell you are homosexual! Stop comparing homosexual rights to black civil rights,doesnt even come close! FACT: GOD can deliver people from homosexuality.”

FACT: You’re wrong.

“God hates it…”

Seriously?!

There are so many more where those came from. And don’t get me started with this “gay agenda” nonsense that people are convinced is a consipracy to get black people to support gay rights. Nobody is forcing anyone to do anything. Remember that God mentioned earlier, well apparently free will is one of the things bestowed upon us, so uhhh yeah. Obviously this thought process is of a choice percentage, but times are definitely changing and not only parts of the black community, but the world seems to be moving towards a more universal understanding that humanity is something to be cherished not scrutinized. I don’t want it to seem like there weren’t any protests to the hateful comments. There were plenty of people who came out in defense of LGBTQ people.

 “I hate to break the news but homosexuality does not belong to one race. There are gays in EVERY country , continent, race, gender , ethnicity and religion. And it has been such since the beginning of time . Yes gay ppl are in Africa and they are not that way bcz they were raped by Romans . Gays were instrumental in the civil rights movement but were made to remain behind closed doors. The reason why black publications run these stories is bcz there are black gay ppl. Maybe not YOU. But they do exist. I know our parents taught us that gayness was a white thing but they lied. I’m sorry to break it to you. It it’s time we grow up. You can still not approve of it . That’s fine but stop operating with the mindset that homosexuality does not exist within our ppl.”

“Gender and race are socially constructed….they are not scientific qualities that can be quantified. These are divisive labels created by human beings to classify and control others.”

“ Lmao@ "the gay agenda”. I think the agenda of most gay people is them living their lives just like anyone else. The only gay agenda I seem to be aware of is to make this world fabulous with amazing fashion & home decor. Why are people so interested in what consenting adults choose to do? And for those Bible thumpers out there: this is what your Christ had to say about condemning others: John 8:7.“

”As someone who is black and gay, it’s surprising to me to see all of these pieces on The Root about LGBT life. Just like seeing so much of my life being played out in the political sphere when it comes to being black, it feels the same way considering that I’m gay. But there’s no gay “agenda” here. I want to succeed in life and be happy just like everyone else. These articles are not propaganda; they humanizing gay people. We’re people, too; and we are BLACK people, too.“

I know it’s not just the black community that holds these atrocious beliefs, but it’s baffling considering our history. I’m not saying “get along with everybody” (though you totes should, it’s awesome) I’m saying, it’s none of your business what anyone else is doing and there is no need to judge because it’s literally none of your business. It’s hard enough being a person of color in this society, there’s no need to make it even harder for individuals who are gay too. CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?!

Is this Mens or Womens?

I have worked in retail for a good portion of my life  (more than I would ever have liked) and have encountered numerous occurrences involving gender and sexuality that baffle and intrigue me. The one question I’m going to be focusing on today has not ceased and seems to get more desperate with every passing year, “Is this the mens section?” I’ll get that question from some girl who has stumbled into the aisle of flannels that look surprisingly like every other flannel because they’re flannels and when I tell them they have in fact picked up a mens shirt it’s almost like they’ve touched fire and throw the garment down or shove it back into the rack as if it’s covered in syphilis.

My favorite encounter, though, happened recently when a dude came into the store and began looking around with a completely befuddled look on his face. I asked him if he needed any help and he responded with a little anecdote about how he was in another one of these stores and was accidentally shopping in -gasp- the womens section and failed to notice though the clothes “seemed to be super tiny.” He told me he asked an associate there and they directed him to the mens section to which he responded to the associate, “I was just testing you.” Wow. They guy was that embarrassed by being in the womens section that he cracked an awful joke so as to conserve his ego? Sad. WHO CARES?! If I find something cute and it fits me the way I like it then I’m buying it regardless of what section of the store I find it in. I even accidentally gave some dude a sweatshirt I thought was mens, but it turns out, it wasn’t! HA! And he lovedddd it. This just goes to show how stupid it is to separate mens and womens clothes because really, they’re just clothes. Putting all these connotations on cotton is just plain ridiculous, but here I go again with not understanding society and all these gender binaries and sexual inferences. 

I used to dress in boys clothes in high school because I found them a lot more comfortable and made me feel less like a sexual object and more like a human being. And no I’m not saying ladies who wear ladies clothing are sexual objects, I am saying in high school I was a nervous nelly and didn’t like anyone looking at me in a suggestive way, it embarrassed me. Now however, I am all about the short shorts and crop tops, but the attention is still unwarranted and makes me ill. I’m just a lot more comfy with my body now than I was in the past. 

Anyway, there was another incident where a customer was visibly disturbed by shopping in the wrong section. A woman came into the store browsing lazily, picking up a few items here and there. She (OMG OMG OMG) wound up in the mens section and picked up some article of clothing, I can’t remember exactly what, and asked me if it was a mens item. Yes, I responded. She curled up her nose as if she smelled the bowels of Shelob’s lair and tossed the whatever-it-was back on the table with pure disgust. It made me think, Do people actually believe someone else will be able to tell whether or not what they’re wearing was made for men or women? Do they believe others are that invested in their personal appearance? Or what is it really that incited this unfathomable fear? Is it the thought that someone may think them queer (and yes I mean that in every way the word is/has been used)? Ugh, so stupid. 

With this refreshing new stance on masculinity and the (finally) sort of kind of change in the way women are portrayed in pop culture, I hoped this question would all but cease to be asked. Oh how wrong I was. OH! And I won’t go into the dress code of this company because quite frankly it borders on discrimination and well, that’s a completely different topic for a completely different time. I will just say, men are not allowed to wear womens clothes, which I find absurd on so many levels. Again, I won’t get into it (yet), but hold on to your panties y'all because I feel it comin’.