...But it’s ‘had a place in this country’ for centuries.

Okay. So I know America on a large-scale is finally seeing that racism and bigotry ‘have no place in this country,’ but let’s not forget these notions aren’t new. For centuries certain people have profited and thrived off racist social structures that perpetuate unequivocal inequality. An inequality that stems directly from the racism that’s inhabited this country since its settlers murdered the Indians and stole their land. White superiority isn’t new and has been around for centuries, manifesting itself in myriad ways including, but not limited to, colonialism, imperialism, capitalism, slavery, apartheid, trickle-down economics, Jim Crow, Christianity (heyyyy white jesus), gerrymandering, ambrosia, the list goes on.

This brutal history of not only the US but the world has afforded privilege that so many people deny exist. Even reading that will upset people- even reading that there’s a privilege associated with skin color makes white people feel uneasy. It’s okay to feel uneasy and uncomfortable. The only- I repeat - the ONLY way this country is going to move forward is for white people to acknowledge there is a difference in this country between white people and POC when it comes to how institutions treat people. Damn, how people treat people. Period. This is all part of a larger conversation that will not only heal this country but make it that much stronger. 

I just don’t want this momentum, this passion to relieve the country of white supremacy to dissipate and we slow down these imperative discussions. It’s going to be hard and especially difficult, but we as a nation seem to be ready to deal… or at least talk about these issues head-on and that gives me hope. Although, it’s taken centuries to finally get here.

This leads me to people who are surprised by these groups’ existence and organization. Guys, these assholes have been around for-lest we not get it twisted- literally hundreds of years under various names. And for all of these politicians making statements denouncing those racists that pretty much got them to where they are today well, it’s more than a bit frustrating to continuously hear. It’s as if all of a sudden politicians need to make these statements to avoid any further scrutiny when, before Charlottesville, most of those officials were dead silent when the president was making a mockery of our democratic republic just weeks prior, embarrassing us all with- well, by just being.

All those republicans, specifically, who are coming out and saying how horrible white supremacists are and how they’re un-American is completely laughable considering those are the very things that got the head of their party, the real Donald dump, into office. Those are the core values he ran on- hate, prejudice, sexism and anti- 'political correctness’ (or as I like to call it, being fucking polite). There’s no way I can believe a republican who’s backtracking now in fake astonishment because Drumpf has not once made any utterance that would even remotely give anyone the inkling he would do or say anything appropriate during a crisis like this. Like, duh.

I’m not sure if it’s delusion or denial at this point. Those same republicans didn’t say a peep when Trump said things like Mexicans are rapists and literally asserted a judge wouldn’t be able to do his job fairly because of his heritage. No, they DEFENDED HIM. Now they’re denouncing hatred as if they weren’t in silent compliance (or active agreement) throughout the entire election. I don’t care about their announcements. They mean nothing and are solely a means of covering their ass so they can get re-elected. And you know what, they will, because there is still a portion of this country who do believe there’s an ‘attack on whiteness,’ and who do believe they are better than anyone who doesn’t look like them. They will continue to vote against their best interests if it means they’ll somehow be afforded a better shot at being a billionaire or something with a republican representative in office and that’s the truth. How? Why? The psyche of a Trump supporter is beyond me. If someone can crack the code to get them on the same planet as the rest of us, please share. These factions thrive off of their fear and intolerance and continue to build a base of evil, not just from Trump supporters, but any white person who believes equality equals depletion.

In summation, these horrendous notions are not new, and it’s up to the rest of us to quell this shit before anyone else gets hurt. UNITED WE STAND.

So much more than a protest over a statue...

I’m sitting here with literal tears in my eyes reading/watching all the shit going down in Charlottesville as white nationalist take to the streets to protest… the removal of a stature and (let’s not sugarcoat it) the fact that brown people also exist on this planet and have a rising voice in the future of this country.

This certainly isn’t the first protest of white idiots carrying guns and antagonizing people of color- ie read a history book. This certainly isn’t the first time hate speech has led to violence in the south- or anywhere for that matter. And it is most certainly not the first time the sane people of this country have united against evil/hate. However, it is one of the first gatherings of these bigots post Trump that has incited a STATE OF EMERGENCY and has made it crystal clear that their numbers are on the rise and that they are ready to willfully commit illegal acts to get their message across. It works for them considering the way the law works tends to turn a blind eye toward white men’s indiscretions.

It’s interesting though, because if you listen to this video of them chanting ‘white lives matter’ (though nobody has ever said otherwise) either due to the counter-protesters or the poor enunciation of the phrase, it sounds surprisingly like they’re changing ‘black lives matter.’ I find this infinitesimally satisfying.

When they’re chanting ‘you will not replace us.’ Who the hell are they talking about? They’re talking about anyone who doesn’t believe what they believe, look how they look, and dare to have opinions that challenge their self-importance. There has been an undeniable rise and vigor to this movement of hate all due to the current president’s unrelenting encouragement of prejudice, injustice, and violence against anyone who stood in his way. Seriously, it’s mind boggling how quickly people want to forget that there was an election that put this orange danger in office. Now his voters are called ‘supporters’ and we’re supposed to forget that it is them who organizes these rallies. I for one will not let it go and I’m tired of being told that I should ‘move on’ and ‘accept the results.’ This violence is a direct manifestation of his presence in the white house and his lack of empathy for this country.

He will not call this protest exactly what it is. An act of domestic terrorism. Sure, maybe in the beginning it was just chanting and speeches, but it has escalated into an all out frenzy.  If you haven’t seen it already, the video below from @brennanmgilmore is horrifying. Click at your own discretion.

Video of car hitting anti-racist protestors. Let there be no confusion: this was deliberate terrorism. My prayers with victims. Stay home. pic.twitter.com/MUOZs71Pf4

A pure and simple act of violence that injured a number of people in the name of an ideology that has led to the downfall of civilizations.

And the spray-tan-in-chief’s words, an empty string of hackneyed phrases and trite words of comfort. The moment he said, we must condemn bigotry on both sides, and repeated ‘BOTH SIDES’ as if this kind of behavior has been displayed by counter-protesters was so abysmal, I had to stop listening. There isn’t a moment of his presidency where he’s surprised me, but this particular moment did make my blood boil. 

This hate isn’t going away. Sure, it helps that there were more counter-protesters in this particular instance, but their base is getting stronger and more abhorrently insolent. We can’t ignore this moment in time, and we cannot tolerate this behavior.

Fuck that free speech argument. They’re looking for war and they’ve made it abundantly clear.

UPDATE: Someone lost their life after that car mowed down people and it’s reportedly a YOUNG WOMAN. Her life was prematurely taken away due to domestic (white) terrorism. Two police officers who were coming to assist with this racist turmoil also lost their lives in a helicopter crash. This shit isn’t helping anyone. We need to do better, nation.

GoT, guys, GTFO.

Game of thrones creators making a show about the south winning the civil war is one of the most insensitive, culturally tone-deaf notions to come out of HBO’s think tank in a while. 

It’s another statement about progress meaning nothing in the wake of a big paycheck and the insufferable ignorance of some people. It’s exhausting. I’ve written this before and I’ll write it again. IT’S EXHAUSTING to live in a society that is constantly telling you the atrocities of the past have no effect on your future and to ‘suck it up’ if you feel discriminated against. No. That is not the proper response. In fact, the way some Americans react to serious allegations of racism is with something that is vaguely (explicitly) reminiscent of a sociopath. The text book definition of a sociopath is as follows:

ˈsōsēōˌpaTH/

noun

1. a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.

I mean….

Where is your conscience when you completely dismiss an entire community of people because  you don’t understand their plight?

Anyway, this is a terrible idea and I’m appalled by all of the people this concept had to pass through before the show was announced and that somehow it still got funded. Not surprised! Appalled. Now, like, can I still watch GoT?! I’m not sure I can…. but gd it the WINTER IS COMING.

Sigh. Just when I think things are looking up, society has me swallow a whole 28932199393 gallons of get real.

This is a tender moment in time where people are just realizing the intricate complexities of race in America, and then this garbage is announced and it just feels like we’re taking so many steps back. I hope enough people show their disgust, because this is just plain shameful.

Africa, right?

The airport is always a lot. People are rushing or not rushing. Standing still or weaving through crowds. It’s a place where people go to escape or to return. To go off adventure or come back and ruminate.

Many different people are rotating in and out of those doors, so it was strange to have this experience with one of the attendants while I was having a hard time using the self check-in machine.

That machine is a whole different story. It was aggressively unintuitive and the instructions were sparse. I’m not sure how anyone was able to check-in without assistance, but I digress.

Anyway, back to the person who helped me and subsequently surprised me.

My machine was flashing a message that let me know I needed assistance. The first thing he asked me for when he came over was a Visa. So, I rummaged through my wallet to show him the card I used to buy the ticket. He looked at it perplexedly, and then said, no I mean your passport. I chuckled at myself in the moment but that was really strike one. Oh, I said, I thought you meant my credit card. No, he said, slightly amused. He left and I continued the check in process poking at the screen, entering all of my info until I came again to another roadblock. I looked around and he was close by, helping other people with this horrendous check-in machine. We made eye contact. How can I help miss, he asked, focused and ready to assist.
“It’s asking for my email and address but I can’t keep going.”
“Did you put in the country?”
“Yes.”
“Two letters?”
“Yes.”
He finished up with the person he was working with and they went off triumphantly as he walked over and took a look at my screen.
“Country?” He asked again. He pressed some areas of the screen, “Africa, right,” he asked distracted. I didn’t say anything as he continued assessing.
“Ah, forget it. You can hit cancel.”
I nod.
He hits cancel, “I don’t know why it wasn’t working. That’s a new screen.”
“Oh. Well thanks,” I grab my baggage tag and attach it to my bag and he’s already walked off attending to other struggling people.

I’m not sure if it was because he was distracted or stressed out but the situation was uncomfortable now that I think back to it. I mean I appreciate his help because otherwise I probably would have been there for another 30 minutes trying to figure out how to get that thing to work. I’m going to chalk up what he said to an honest misunderstanding but in this world of high tension, it’s hard not to ignore instances like this. Anyway, I’m in France. We’ll see what kind of interesting stories I’ll have to tell from here.

I can’t see, your hair’s in the way

Soooo I have finally done it. I have finally started wearing my hair “out.” This means all of my hair in it’s curly glory is unleashed unto the wold, vulnerable to judgement and rejection, approval and pride, confusion and dismissal. 

For a while I didn’t wear my hair in a ‘fro because it just didn’t ‘feel right’ but then I started to think about where those feelings were coming from and dissecting them to see if it was some crazy self-loathing or embarrassment that stems from American society’s idea of beauty. In the end, I do think it was a bit of that, because let’s be real, it’s hard to be impervious to the onslaught of beauty standards that berate us everyday. But, it was also my preference to wear my hair in twists because it’s a style that doesn’t dry out my hair within minutes and I can wear that hairstyle for a few days (ahem, weeks) without having to mess with it. I’m very low-maintenance, so the thought of doing cute styles everyday would put me in shock. I’m slowly overcoming my aversion to spending more time on my hair. Ha.

So, whatever, I did it. And I love it. However, I do want to share an instance where my full head of kinky hair wasn’t so appreciated and I was so surprised and taken aback at WHERE I felt this incredible discomfort and more so sad as to the probable reasons why:

My little sister’s dance recital for an all-black dance company.

There were quite a few things going on before I even stepped foot into the theater that made me a little uneasy, including the fact that my little sister was required to wear a weave (which she looked adorable in- but still), as were all of the ladies in the dance company. I understand the creative desire for uniformity when putting on a show, but because our culture has been so ravaged by history it seems like maybe putting young black girls in straight weaves isn’t the best way to encourage confidence, but I digress. What went on in that show is a whole other blog post. 

Anyway, so I’m sitting down watching these super talented kids bop around stage when I feel a distinctive tap on my shoulder. I turn around and this girl tells me in the most condescending, self-important tone that my hair is in the way and that she can’t see and asked me if I could ‘move the the left’ so she could see.

Honestly, I don’t mind someone asking me to scoot over if my hair’s in the way, but sweet jesus they better do it in a way that is respectful. This kid made it seem as though I was wearing a giant sun hat that haloed 8 feet around my head. The way she said ‘your hair is in the way,’ my hair may as well have been live cockroaches crawling all over her. Needless to say I wanted to level her out right then and there. Of course, I refrained because the thought of actually getting into a physical fight with anyone makes me squeamish, but it also made me sad because I could almost hear the disgust in her voice and immediately understood that kind of hateful sentiment that permeates black culture when it comes to hair. Also, she was like 14- I think. Sigh.

I’ve been wearing my hair natural my entire life and have been subjected to all sorts of criticism, but in this new age of #blackgirlmagic and the warm embrace of and enthusiasm behind black hair care, I thought I would have a safe space at this event that was suppose to be celebrating blackness. Though, that may have been the case, not everyone is onboard with the ‘fro, and that’s okay- I guess. The only thing is to make sure the reason behind not wanting or liking afros is coming from a healthy place. Because, just look at it:

As I mentioned earlier, I think there was a part of me that was so hesitant to rock a ‘fro because of the prejudice associated with it, and I didn’t want to be ‘categorized.’ I know. I know. It took a long time for me to recognize and accept those feelings. It’s so frustrating because it was like I knew better, but couldn’t shake these strange sensitivities. I’ve come to terms with the fact that the healing within the community is going to take a lot longer than a few years of insightful speeches, ‘woke’ celebrities, and social movements. The kind of damage that’s been done is so much deeper than hair and so much more than just putting more black people in TV shows and films. My ancestors were completely stripped of their humanity and told they didn’t deserve, well, anything. Nothing. They didn’t even deserve to be themselves. So, of course that kind of psychological trauma that has manifested and evolved in countless ways not only within the black community but in society as a whole is going to take some time to mend. We’re on the right track though, finally, but whew. It’s gonna be a while. In the meantime, I’ll be over here rockin my ‘fro.