Cool It, It's A Joke

I’m back on Facebook which means I’m exposed to opinions without a filter or warning. On the most part, this is actually why I like Facebook. It’s a thankless, ceaseless exposure to thoughts rumbling around in people’s brains that they share (sometimes carelessly) online. It’s fun to see what strange and passionate things people voice their opinions about. It makes for a great read and an even better catalyst for Tumblr posts. Ha.

This brings me to the video I just saw (above) by the pseudo-news monopoly that is Buzzfeed, which I have found myself tirelessly perusing, because whatever it’s super fun albeit click bait. At least there is a section entirely dedicated to adorable baby animals and other “Cute” things. I can dig that. Who can’t dig that?!

Yeah.

Anyway, what really got me going were the comments below the video that-duh, I had to read, but got severely disappointed that instead of embracing the unavoidable discomfort that sometimes goes along with being a person of color in the workplace and laughing at it hysterically, people took offense. And not like cool offensive, where the opinions were enlightening, opening people’s eyes to different perspectives, but the other kind of offensive that doesn’t really make sense and is annoying. 

A lot of people in the comments found the video “racist towards white people,” which in and of itself is impossible, but let’s not get into that. It’s perfectly fine to have an opinion about the video, that’s why humanity is great. It’s full of a vast amount of diverse ideals that can be shared in moments thanks to the insanity that is the internet. However, it’s rough when people can’t just take a joke. 

I love talking about race because I find it fascinating and it’s because of comments left on harmless videos that touch on race that keeps me intrigued. A lot of people wrote in the comments that they were literally going to “unfriend” or “unfollow” Buzzfeed because they did not approve of this video, which makes me think of something called denial. I’m not saying any of the people who chose to dramatically unfollow this fun site are taking drastic steps to remove themselves from the race conversation but it kinda really sorta looks like it. I know, I know, it’s their prerogative to remove themselves from a threatening situation, but when it comes to racism, everybody is threatened. All I’m saying is, instead of immediately writing this offensiveness off, maybe try to understand why you’re so offended in the first place?

It’s scary to delve into yourself and find something you thought was impossible to ever develop in your mind- prejudice, a strange, impalpable love for Diner Drive-Ins and Dives. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s something to take an effort to work through. I guess I could understand if I didn’t know whether or not I was being prejudice and then seeing that video and being like, “Holy crap, I’ve said that,” I would be super freaked out and unfollow Buzzfeed, too. 

Now I’m rambling. Anyway, all I want to say is that I thought the video was funny and I was surprised so many people took offense to it…. then I wasn’t surprised at all and really hope one day an open dialogue can happen. We’re all people, people. Geebus, why is that such a hard concept?

A Buzzfeed Quizzes Cautionary Tale

It happened gradually. At first, it was one quiz every four or five days. I would see one in my Facebook feed that piqued my interest. There had to be some kind of deeper existential explanation attached to the result of  ”Which Kind of Rug Are You?”

It was fun, picking my favorite drinks (BOOZE), discovering  I am in fact suppose to be a writer because I really like Lord of the Rings. The quizzes made sense. Then my curiosity grew. I had to find out which circle of hell I was destined to inhabit. . I needed to know what kind of disney prince would be my perfect match and whether or not I was a bag of pretzels or a NY Times Trend Story. I began taking the quizzes more frequently. It went from one every few days to one every few hours- then minutes.

Answering the phone during this time was not an option. I needed to focus, a clear, determined understanding of each option I was given so as not to arbitrarily choose “Stepping in Poop” or “Getting a Boner at Work.” At one point my mother called 8 times in a row. I hope it wasn’t important. Of course it wasn’t. Nothing was more important than finding out which Mean Girl I was. My friends wanted to hang out, but I couldn’t face them knowing I was the sarcastic side-eye emoji, what if they were the ok hand?! How could we hope to survive the tumultuous ups and downs of friendship if I didn’t know who got the Al Roker Lifted by Ryan Gosling? No, I couldn’t communicate with anyone until I finished taking ALL OF THE QUIZZES. Only then could I know my true self and proceed with life accordingly, either blossoming as a socialite with a predilection for journalism or a moody reclose afraid of human interaction and my own reflection.

These were the only two viable outcomes in my mind. I threw logic out the window. Who needed that nonsense when I could find out which Stefon Club I was. It didn’t matter that I had no idea if that was a fictional place or not, the results mattered. The results always matter.

I remember sitting in front of my computer screen. The sweet feeling of serenity I can only get from the gentle light of my monitor, when it happened. After answering the last question to a quiz I got the most puzzling result. Parks and Recreation is one of my favorite current sitcoms and I knew for sure I would get Ann, the most beautiful ray of sunshine. Instead, I got Jean-Ralphio.

My heart sank. Staring at my computer screen in horror and disbelief I knew, after feeling so confident with my results so far- Getting Anna and Kristoff from Frozen was a definite highlight- none of it meant anything. With my hopes of self-discovery shattered like Chris Christie’s reputation I could do nothing but spiral into a deep unrelenting darkness.

I moved my possessions into the basement of my building. I could not be seen. All of me was a giant lie. I didn’t know who I was anymore. Buzzfeed had proven my ineptitude to be a functioning part of society. It was over for me. I’m writing from a corner, lit faintly by a scented glade candle- apple cinnamon- and the betraying light of my computer screen. I went off the quizzes cold turkey and all I have to show for it is a mental break and an unfortunate flourishing sense of denial. 

But wait. What’s this I see? Oh, I haven’t seen this one before. Yes. Yes I would like to know which 90s TV show I am.

Sigh, oh well. Here we go again.