I was on Facebook scrolling through my newsfeed of awkward vines, Buzzfeed articles, and videos with puppies & kids, when I stumbled across a post a friend jokingly put up that was a blatantly misogynistic list of things women need to do to appear more attractive to men. After realizing it wasn’t an Onion article, but something someone actually took time and energy to write in all seriousness-this listicle excrement.

I then did some digging and discovered the culprit who’s brain birthed this POS site, Return of Kings. It’s basically every feminists’ nightmare. The dude who created this insufferable garbage is named Roosh V., which sounds dangerously close to douche, which he invariably is. His Community Beliefs exude the horrifying ideology that plagues progress and makes you realize there are crazies out there among us, hidden behind computer screens intaking all of this nonsense, internalizing it, and later unleashing their vile harebrained ”knowledge” in all kinds of ways on unsuspecting women with a confusing confidence only a dolt with a small… mind can dole out without embarrassment. The Community Beliefs from the Return of Kings trash site themselves were more than enough to put me in a blind, raging frenzy.

The most painful “beliefs” include, 

“ A woman’s value is mainly determined by her fertility and beauty. A man’s value is mainly determined by his resources, intellect, and character.”

“Elimination of traditional gender roles and the promotion of unlimited mating choice in women unleashes their promiscuity and other negative behaviors that block family formation.”

And finally,

“Women are sluts if they sleep around, but men are not. This fact is due to the biological differences between men and women.”

Somebody get me a glass of water. i’m burning up! If I ever meet a guy and he mentions anything like this I’m giving myself permission to knee him in the balls. If I EVER meet the dudes who penned any of the articles on any of the sites including the “king of douche” himself, lord help them. I hope there will be police around because I’m going to need to be tazed or shot to loosen my chokehold.

Not to mention, the site bans women or gays from commenting. So, don’t worry, homophobia also has a place in this unbelievable realm of pitiful men. We’re probably banned because we can ruin their inherently faulty “logic” with one sentence, obliterating their prejudice, privileged little community where they can hide from reality like sad, pathetic cowards who probably wear crocs and shirts with flames on them. No, this is not a test.

“Women and homosexuals are prohibited from commenting here. They will be immediately banned, and anyone who replies to them will also be banned. This includes replying in any thread that they started." 

WHERE IS THAT GLASSS OF WATER?!

On top of that, the dude made books denoting the countries where it’s easy to hook up with women, though he puts it a lot less delicately, calling these anthropological gems, Bang Guides. 

KSDBJAKDNCKNAOFOWFIBIVIS;ek374y9u40owf0rg0t3

**BURSTS INTO FLAMES**