Welp if you saw the debate a few weeks ago, you may, like me, be feeling a special sort of all encompassing doom and gloom gripping your chest. A crushing concern.

Over these past few weeks I have been grappling with what I watched. I’ve been trying to put into words the pure dismay, disbelief, and discouragement I felt during and after watching what felt like two ornery grandfathers during the holidays trying to convince their grandkids that they can still fully participate in strenuous family games. The one part where they just started talking about their golf handicaps had me in a state of pure shock. I kept asking Ian, “Is this real? Is this really happening?” To which he replied with a firm and resolute, “Yes.”

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As protesting continues with increasing tension but steadfast resolve, it’s interesting to see how the country has been reacting. There’s also a confusing idea around protest being democratic but only the type of protest that doesn’t exist- a non disruptive one. It’s been clear (for a long, long time) while the government says protesting is a part of a healthy democracy they really don’t mean it.

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Taking this trip at this particular time felt special because as a black person, I truly believe it’s important to enjoy rest/relaxation and just revitalize during Black History Month. I’ve written about this before, but the Nap Ministry has so much on the importance of rest as resistance. Not working, seeing the beauty of the world, and getting to learn and experience different perspectives was the best way to celebrate.

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It’s the last day of the year and what a year this has been collectively, individually, emotionally, spiritually, physically. I personally have learned a lot about myself this year. I have undergone a number of changes and gone through revelations that continuously shape and humble me.

This year for me had its number of disappointments, challenges, issues I’ve worked through that have been surprising and unsurprising. I’m excited to apply all I’ve learned to the future and finally understand what it means to give myself grace. What a game changer. I will be celebrating what’s to come. The unknown. The endless possibilities that will manifest to create my future, but not without acknowledging that so many people have lost their futures this year in a war that is devastating an entire population of people. The Israeli government is continuing its siege on Palestinians. Everyone in Gaza is living through a horror that is not only reprehensible but unconscionable considering the number of CHILDREN’S lives lost. This country has failed us and humanity, especially considering the genocides that are happening all over the world that get little to no news coverage.

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I was just looking back on a post from 2021 rehashing the year and mildly welcoming the new one. It was about a year after the pandemic and a lot of what I wrote about is still so poignant. The disappointment with the status quo, the despair in how little governments actually care about their people. The heaviness of death that year. So much of life is cyclical from different perspectives, feelings repeating, situations evolving, but change is that one constant. I find comfort in that. That change is iinevitable no matter what you’re going through. Your feelings today can change drastically tomorrow or even within the hour. I wish progress could be as consistent, as dependable. I’ve had to come to terms with how slow progress is and how incredibly difficult it can be to stay hopeful when there is so much going on in the world to feel utterly hopeless about. I’ve been feeling a lot of feelings recently. It’s been especially hard to grapple with continuing to go on and live life knowing there is so much violence happening elsewhere. This country’s news outlets do an excellent job of elevating particular conflicts for specific reasons (mostly ratings which equal money- it’s always about money), and completely ignoring their varied aspects. I’m still not sure why it’s so hard to call what’s happening in Gaza genocide.

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