Sriagao, Philippines
Taking this trip at this particular time felt special because as a black person, I truly believe it’s important to enjoy rest/relaxation and just revitalize during Black History Month. I’ve written about this before, but the Nap Ministry has so much on the importance of rest as resistance. Not working, seeing the beauty of the world, and getting to learn and experience different perspectives was the best way to celebrate.
Taken on one of my sanity walks, which I will be doing more of in the new year!
It’s the last day of the year and what a year this has been collectively, individually, emotionally, spiritually, physically. I personally have learned a lot about myself this year. I have undergone a number of changes and gone through revelations that continuously shape and humble me.
This year for me had its number of disappointments, challenges, issues I’ve worked through that have been surprising and unsurprising. I’m excited to apply all I’ve learned to the future and finally understand what it means to give myself grace. What a game changer. I will be celebrating what’s to come. The unknown. The endless possibilities that will manifest to create my future, but not without acknowledging that so many people have lost their futures this year in a war that is devastating an entire population of people. The Israeli government is continuing its siege on Palestinians. Everyone in Gaza is living through a horror that is not only reprehensible but unconscionable considering the number of CHILDREN’S lives lost. This country has failed us and humanity, especially considering the genocides that are happening all over the world that get little to no news coverage.
Taken by me on one of my sanity walks...
I was just looking back on a post from 2021 rehashing the year and mildly welcoming the new one. It was about a year after the pandemic and a lot of what I wrote about is still so poignant. The disappointment with the status quo, the despair in how little governments actually care about their people. The heaviness of death that year. So much of life is cyclical from different perspectives, feelings repeating, situations evolving, but change is that one constant. I find comfort in that. That change is iinevitable no matter what you’re going through. Your feelings today can change drastically tomorrow or even within the hour. I wish progress could be as consistent, as dependable. I’ve had to come to terms with how slow progress is and how incredibly difficult it can be to stay hopeful when there is so much going on in the world to feel utterly hopeless about. I’ve been feeling a lot of feelings recently. It’s been especially hard to grapple with continuing to go on and live life knowing there is so much violence happening elsewhere. This country’s news outlets do an excellent job of elevating particular conflicts for specific reasons (mostly ratings which equal money- it’s always about money), and completely ignoring their varied aspects. I’m still not sure why it’s so hard to call what’s happening in Gaza genocide.
View from the hotel we stayed at this past weekend.
As with everything in these last few weeks, it feels weird and uncomfortable to be moving through the motions knowing the suffering happening in Gaza and Israel. So today on Thanksgiving, one of my favorite holidays, writing about what I’m grateful for feels trite and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. It also feels strangely necessary to acknowledge the things that have kept me going and continue to give me hope in this utterly hopeless time. This post is not at all meant to diminish or lessen the very real and devastating reality of all the other atrocities currently being committed in Gaza, Sudan, and Congo, but for me it’s a way to deal with my feelings of sadness and despair, my disappointment in international leaders for continuing to allow war to be a way to “resolve” “disagreements.”
I have never felt more nervous to write about anything in my life. It’s hard to navigate and express these feelings, because they can feel clumsy, foolish, and incomplete, especially on social media. But I’ve never felt more compelled to fight through those feelings because being silent is not an option in a time where we’re witnessing the ethnic cleansing of a group of people on a very public stage with impunity. I’m hoping without the limitations of social media, my thoughts here can be more complete and hopefully make sense.
I want to preface what I’m about to write with the fact that I am still reading and understanding the intricacies of the history of the region and that I am always open to evolving and learning more. I don’t mean to offend or alienate anyone with what I’m about to write, and if you’re feeling like maybe now is not the time to read this, please take some time for yourself. I’m also fully aware that I’m quite privileged to be able to write this and from where I’m writing this.
