Over the past few months, I have been making a tremendous effort to power through the slew of emotions that I’m sure everyone is feeling in varying degrees to make sure I can continue to pay for my lifestyle. I was incredibly lucky to not be laid off in the initial economic shock. Before I even go any further I am extraordinarily privileged to even be able to consider taking time off let alone doing it. With that said, I wanted to write about why it was so important for me to take this time now not just to share my story but also as a retrospective for me. I’ve been feeling ambivalent (read terrified), but writing it out helps me affirm my decision.
Election Day 2020: I Feel Ill
Millions of citizens have already cast their vote, and there are so many millions more who are lining up today to exercise their right, including myself. Election Day is finally here. Today has felt like it was aeons away for so long it’s hard to believe this is the final moment to show up to the polls and make history. It’s an exciting time, but it’s also nerve-wrecking, terrifying, painful, exhausting, and disappointing.
Understandably Undecided
Voting is a process we were kept from for a long, long time. Our history with voting is arduous and complex, and continues to be a point of contention. We weren’t considered a whole person in the constitution for a period and before that weren’t considered people AT ALL, let alone given a voice to elect people to make decisions that would affect our communities. There is a whole swath of time from the end of slavery up until the Civil Rights Era where voter suppression was rampant and continues this day in more subtle (and not so subtle) ways. I mean, Jim Crow laws were enforced NOT THAT LONG AGO. The color of our skin used to, by law, dictate where we were allowed to eat, walk, swim, sit, exist. Just think about it for a second. We, as black people, are asked to participate in an election process that until very recently was actively fighting against our equity and for our demise. An election process that continues to be unfair due to gerrymandering and other forms of voter suppression. An election process that has put officials into office who are continuously trying to take away the rights we ceaselessly fight for. The lack of representation in politics is thankfully changing, but it’s looked the same for so long it often feels like an uphill battle to elect diverse candidates.
Presidential Debate Night 2020
Last night’s loud and confusing fever dream was topped off by utter disbelief and candid coverage of news stations far and wide. The news didn’t mince words, which I appreciated. Most of the opinions of the debate were understandably inconclusive because of egregious behavior displayed by the literal President of the United States. In the few moments where we could hear either of the candidates, things were said that just felt empty and rehearsed. The event that was supposed to get democrats excited about their lackluster pick, and show the nation there was a serious contender to the orange Mussolini was marred by his outlandish (mis)behavior and disregard for decency.
#SayHerName: Breonna Taylor
Anger? Yes. Frustration? Absolutely. Surprise? Yes and no. The ruling we have all been waiting months for, especially Breonna Taylor’s family, yielded a sentence that was not only insulting but a declaration of the gross negligence of our justice system. Wanton Endangerment charged to one police officer for shooting into other houses and no mention at all of the death of a young woman. Our pleas didn’t matter, our screams didn’t matter, the evidence didn’t matter, the facts didn’t matter. What continues to matter is an unbalanced, unfair judicial system that rewards and encourages black death and ignores black rights. Breonna Taylor’s story has been told by so many different voices and with so much hope for her justice and today that drive for hope came to a screeching halt.