I was hesitant to write this. Not because I fear any kind of retaliation or worried about how I might come across. There have just been so many takes, a lot of which I agree with (a lot of which I vehemently abhor), so I wasn’t sure if I would just be over-saturating the discourse, but here we are.
I won’t say his name ultimately due to principle. I say the names of innocent victims, people who were unfairly and brutally ripped out of this world because of broken systems and hateful beliefs. I say the names of young people, artists, parents needlessly executed in the streets. I won’t say his name, because the way he’s talked about police brutality, race, and gun violence have done absolutely nothing positive for the communities I am a part of, love, and support. He has openly talked about his disdain for women, particularly black women, he’s literally said that gun deaths each year are necessary, he has engaged and upheld white supremacist ideals under the guise of “interesting debate.”
Words mean things, and when you are continuously espousing hate for marginalized groups there shouldn’t be surprise when empathy, compassion, or understanding isn’t extended from those same groups after an event like this. Especially knowing he would most likely not express any of those feelings towards anyone if the roles be reversed. Actually, there is proof he has not. He was a bigot. Plain and simple. There is no debating that. So when I hear this outrageous insistence on being sad or actively mourning him, it is insulting. While he was a public figure, he was still a stranger. Regardless of his views, it is odd that people are angry about the lack of sadness being felt and expressed. But layer the racism on top and it’s even wilder. I won’t speak for others here but I’ll share how I feel.
Nothing. I don’t feel anything for him specifically. I didn’t know him personally (obvi) and I honestly barely followed his career. I’ve seen a few clips of his show and his debates, and was not impressed. He sounded like any other troll online who reduced complex situations into rage-bait talking points. No nuance or genuine curiosity. He was someone I rarely thought about and when I did see clips I rolled my eyes and kept scrolling. When I heard he’d been shot I was truly surprised. I was surprised because he didn’t seem important enough to be targeted so maliciously. Sure, he said things that made people angry, but he was a MAGA influencer. That was kind of his career, exploiting painful realities and pitting people against each other.
Then all the speculations started to pour out before we even knew he died. Immediately the MAGA crowd rushed to the wrong conclusion and created a firestorm of unsupported accusations that it was the “radical left” that was behind the shooting. They immediately called it a political assassination, which was weird to me. He was a talking head who didn’t hold political office. He discussed politics, but he wasn’t an elected or appointed official. The only reason it’s being called a political assassination is so it can be used to shape a narrative. It’s disingenuous and just plain wrong. Of course, we know now the person who allegedly shot him was on the “radical right” and was a cis white man who was a registered Republican. It’s interesting seeing the shift in the media since learning more about the possible shooter’s background. Now, all of these idiots are walking their vile statements back, the governor of Utah even lamenting that the shooter was homegrown, because he couldn’t say “that doesn’t happen here.” The thing is gun violence happens here all the time. We are #1 in the WORLD when it comes to mass shootings and gun related deaths. Usually mass shooters are radicalized and have some sort of manifesto. So, yes even in the context of people being killed for their political beliefs, it absolutely does happen here and has been happening here for decades. There was literally a mass shooting the same day, at a high school in Denver. It is unfathomable that even after all of this, there still hasn’t been legislation introduced. Though, ever since Sandy Hook I knew gun reform was doomed.
The last thing I’ll say that I haven’t seen many people mention is he was at the event with his wife and kids. I believe the kids are really young, so I hope they don’t ever remember or recall that day when they get older. Those kids don’t deserve to be traumatized because of this. My heart does go out to them and the crowd. No one signed up to watch a public execution and I cannot imagine how they must be feeling after seeing that. However, my feelings also fluctuate because they were atending that event, so I can imagine how some of them must feel about my existence. It’s complicated because while we are all human and at the end of the day I do believe people can change and aren’t inherently evil, I am not naive. Two things can be true. My desire for people to ultimately do good, but also know there are people who are full of hate and refuse to change. That doesn’t mean I wish harm on anyone, but I can be indifferent and I can be passionately defensive. I keep telling myself holding space for all those emotions is human.
I do feel sad and upset that this country is continuously spinning out of control. I feel sad and upset that it hasn’t even been a year since the orange snowflake took office and everyday this country falls further and further into a darkness that is going to take a long time to come back from. The divisiveness of this administration and the media’s complicit perpetuation of one side vs. the other isn’t going away. It is tearing us a part and brainwashing millions. The real enemy is a system that locks out progress and resists meaningful change. It’s decision making based on the bottom dollar instead of the benefit of society. It’s praising billionaires and demonizing poverty.
We need real, comprehensive gun reform for this entire country, we need to address that there are many, many reasons (loneliness, mental distress, white supremacy) why the shooter(s) did what they did that are not going away and need to be dealt with. We need leaders who are willing to take the time to understand these issues and not use citizens like pawns in a game of chess to gain influence, money, and power. We need hope. We need tangible improvements. We need a break from the madness.