Happy Mother's Day: I love you, mothers.

I miss my family. It’s been over a year since I’ve seen them. My mom, my dad, my sisters, my brother, my aunts, my uncle, most of my cousins (I did see one a few weeks ago!), my grandmother. I don’t know if I’ve experienced any considerable revelations with my family after being apart for so long, but there’s is absolutely an appreciation that has grown tremendously in their physical absence. We connect more, we share more, and we learn more from and about each other. Today, I want to highlight the mothers in my life. Some of the women who have been the most influential on who I am today and continue to be inspirations/ rays of light in this still dark time.

Their rich lives are full of cautionary tales, inspirational events, devastating hardships, hilarious happenings, fleeting romances, epic revelations, harrowing loss, complicated relationships, and throughout it all, full of determination and love. I won’t name names, because my family tends to be extremely private, but I do want to share some moments in time with the mothers who have heavily impacted me.

Some of my favorite memories are those sitting around the table after a huge Thanksgiving meal and listening to my family talk about everything. I remember there was a point when the men and women splintered, and I would stay with my aunts, my mother, my sister, my grandmother, and cousins as they shared their ideas on the state of the world. On many occasions, in the beginning, their big words went over my head, but I loved just watching their passionate expressions and relished in their laughter. When I got older I was encouraged to partake in these ‘“adult” conversations about politics and race. I was intimidated at first, convinced I would say something stupid or vapid and be met with an eye roll or haughty laugh, but that never happened. At least not at first ha. It was during those table talks I grew confidence and started finding my own voice. The women at that table taught me to think critically and not be afraid to share my thoughts.

Another memory I have is that of sleeping over my aunt’s house and waking up for church. I would go with her, my uncle, and my cousins to a huge Baptist church about 30 minutes away. It was during a time when I had very severe opinions about organized religion, especially Christianity. I would have extensive discussions about my reservations with my aunt and uncle who ultimately showed me that while I can wholly disagree with religion itself, I could still have a nuanced understanding and appreciation for the people who follow it. My angsty teen years I was given the space and time to have this open discourse, which led me to be much more compassionate and open-minded when it came to religion. This is not to say I accept how religion has destroyed nations and continues to divide us all, but I do believe there are ways to practice religion without hurting people. My aunt is one of the most forgiving and understanding people I know, and her interpretation of Christianity assuaged some of the animosity I immediately harbored towards religion. It’s all very complicated, but I’m always inspired by my aunt’s patience, openness, honesty, and levity.

When I was living in NY as a child (before spending my formative years in Miami and then hightailing it back to NY for undergrad), hanging out with my other aunt and uncle and my cousins would be my favorite weekend activity. My aunt who’s from Barbados would always be cooking something incredible and telling us about her childhood as we ran into the kitchen for snacks or stood in their to watch her curry, steam, fry. My aunt would teach me how to make stuffed fried chicken, and when I cut up a few vegetables would tell everyone I helped make the meal, which little kid me loved. She is one of the most giving people I know. There were constantly people over. Their house a warm hug. A refuge from a cold world.

Over the last few months, my grandmother has been sharing stories of her past from childhood to when she first moved to NY from South Carolina and beyond. I’ve learned so much about her life before having children and about her mother, Christina, who I was named after. My grandmother is insanely modest and in our conversations often brings up other people in her life she feels were more glamorous or lead more interesting lives, but her life is just as fascinating if not more so. She was a scholar, a waitress, a model, an entrepreneur, and is the best hype woman around. Growing up, she was the person I knew would give me the best advice, and knew exactly which snack would cheer me up. Most importantly, she made it clear how important it was to know our family history and describe how resilient our ancestors were. She instilled in us all a pride for the south and to never forget where we came from. She means so much to me and is so much braver and courageous than she lets on. She continues to be one of the most adaptable and curious people I know. She even has a TikTok! I’m so grateful the stars aligned, and I get to be her granddaughter.

My older sister has always been someone I wanted to emulate growing up. She’s so confident in being who she is and I will forever admire that. Our relationship has certainly evolved from when she used to attempt to wake me up for school to now. We’ve gone through so much together and she’s consistently been someone I can talk to without fear of judgement. I couldn’t imagine life without her and when I found out she would be a mother, I could not have been happier. My niece and nephew are the absolute best. They both have that same cool, unapologetic energy and have such a warmth and excitement about them that is infectious. I cannot wait to see them again in person and marvel at how much they look like my sister. I look forward to telling them more stories about her when she was growing up.

We moved a number of times when I was young. Did a quick stint in Vermont, spent a few years in Westchester, then settled in Miami. Throughout our moves, my mom was always very adamant about making sure we were on top of school. She would always make sure she had a library card wherever we were and took out books and movies to aid in learning. These extra learnings also made sure we understood our history and the children’s books I had growing up always showcased characters that were brown like me. My mother understood the importance of representation when we were growing up and also knew the school system was majorly flawed. I understood at a young age that Christopher Columbus wasn’t it and that the pledge of allegiance wasn’t “for all.” I grew up questioning everything and still do. She taught me that and it’s something I will always cherish. I could probably fill a book with everything she’s bestowed on me about the world, about myself, but I’ll keep it contained for now. The relationship between mother and daughter, mother and child, is objectively complex, but I am grateful this mother’d day for her and all of the mother figures in my life.

I also would be remiss not to also include my bf’s mom for being so wonderfully giving and making sure I was okay during the ceaselessly vexing year. I was able to escape the city many times last year and celebrated my birthday by the water, something I sincerely cherished. I wasn’t able to spend any holidays with my family in Florida but was able to safely celebrate with his family. They always make me feel welcome and were so kind.

I wish I could be with all of them today. I wish I could hug them and tell them, I love you in person and not over the phone. I wish we could go to brunch or have dinner and sit around a table and just talk. We’ll be able to do that soon I hope. In the meantime, I hope this explains even a smidge of my appreciation and admiration for these women. I love you, mothers.