I don’t even know where to start. I don't even know what to say. We all had the same information. We all had access to the same internet to do the same research. We all have seen and heard what this man is capable of and the buffoonery and carelessness he brings to the highest office. With all of that more of this country decided he was the better option than Kamala Harris who runs circles around him intellectually, and that was one of the reasons people voted against their interests and elected a fascist. There is a true and distinct fear of educated women that has been ever growing as this country leans more heavily towards wanting to embody the past riddled with inequality and suppress the freedom of the future.

This country would rather an alleged sex offender, racist, convicted felon, rambling moron than a Black Indian Woman. That is what the polls have shown. That is what this country has decided and we all have to live with this decision for the next four years. We all have to be subjected to the unthinkable consequences of this man being elected to office and how he will unravel our tenuous fabric of this democracy.

I wrote about it being hard to vote for Kamala Harris with what’s going on in Gaza but I still voted for her because while I disagree with how the administration has handled the genocide I knew that they would still be more reasonable than this orange idiot. I knew that it might take time but there were people surrounding the office that would be smart and have realistic discussions with cultural sensitivity and a genuine desire for peace or change or something. Now, with this willfully ignorant narcissist at the helm, literally who knows how he will handle this situation. Who knows what kind of havoc he will wreak not only in the middle east but worldwide and especially domestically. Project 2025 was something he was distancing himself from at some point during the election cycle but we all know that he is merely a puppet. He will be manipulated. He’ll be coerced and prodded. He’ll be complimented and sweet talked into the agenda we were all vehemently warned about. He will be reckless with state secrets and use his power to enrich himself and his family, leaving Americans with crumbs while annihilating federally funded support and protections. Say good bye to the planet. Say good bye to your health and general wellbeing. This time is diffeent. This time the circus is organized and has a serious agenda.

Look, I’m not surprised this country is racist and mysoginistic. This has been a reality for decades, centuries. What concerns me is how embolden the racist mysoginists got when Trump was in office last time. I haven’t forgotten how he unleashed a bloodthirsty crowd on the capitol and relished in the idea of overturning the election through violent means. I didn’t forget how he commented on “both sides” when referencing neo nazis. I didn’t forget the uptick of hate crimes and rallies espousing violent chants all throughout his last presidency.

A lot of us didn’t forget and now we have to relive this nightmare at a grander scale with more serious players who have even more sinister intentions.

There are so many reasons people voted the way they did. There are so many feelings I have right now about how this all happened and who is responsible and what could have been done, but I don’t have the capacity to write them down right now. I barely have the capacity to speak coherently today. Today I need to not deal with anything but this disappointment and figure out how I’m going to get through the rest of the week.

It is going to be a long 4 years. I haven’t lost hope but I have lost a lot of energy. I’m going to recharge. Please take care of yourselves and each other. We’re going to need so much love, so much unity, and so much grace to get through this. But for now, I am done. I need to sleep.

Have this on repeat.