I’m an introvert and this hasn’t been easy. I keep seeing all these twitter posts, think pieces, and memes about how Introverts are thriving in this time of isolation. They’re rubbing it in extroverts’ faces and I see that happening mostly in jest. But it also feels this is not the time, as an introvert, to wallow in how comfortable you might be with self-isolation. Maybe it’s just me, but in these past few weeks, I have been steeped in anxiety because this is never a scenario I would’ve imagined in my wildest dreams.

I also don’t believe anyone is a pure introvert/extrovert. I think there is too much nuance in being human that prevents anyone from falling completely on one side of the spectrum and never budging. However, I understand that yes, some people have a predilection for going out with friends while others would rather stay home and watch TV alone. I completely understand the feeling of wanting space and needing alone time. For the most part, that is how I recharge. However, in a pandemic, the idea that introverts are "thriving" is not wholly accurate.

 In the beginning, I’m not gonna lie, I was relieved by not having social obligations. I was getting to spend more time bumming around my apartment with a solid excuse. There was always a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that though I am enjoying this solitude, there is an entire world suffering. A world being subjected to suggestions, orders, and laws that are seriously disrupting normalcy and standard. That nagging feeling quickly went from the back of my mind to the forefront as more statistics started unraveling about the virus and the reality that this wasn’t a few-week break from routine but a devastating shut down of vital programs and institutions that hold up our democracy. 

I am lucky enough to have my job, my health, and the privilege even to process these complicated feelings about surviving during this unprecedented time. It by no means equates to relishing in this period of social distancing. Seeing the toll it’s taken on essential workers, the people who are working heavily-reduced hours, the people who are out of jobs and unsure of how they’re getting that next meal or how they’re going to make a payment on a necessity has been a harrowing realization that our systems are so fragile. I am appalled and disgusted by how the outbreak is being mismanaged. These shelter-at-home orders are helping us stop the spread in NY and flattening the curve, but they are not a godsend. 

Again, in the first few weeks, I admit, I was naive. And honestly, at some points, it’s nice not to feel guilty for not going out, but the overarching effects this pandemic is having on physical and mental health, I would obviously much rather the guilt. To end on a lighter note, here is Sza & Lizzo to clear your chakras and cleanse your everything.