I’ve been avoiding watching the impeachment hearing live, namely when Trump’s lawyers are up and decidedly defending a bigoted seditionist, but I’ve been snagging highlights here and there. I did watch a good portion live yesterday as the House Managers went through their arguments that trying former President Child Trump was constitutional. I watched as they played footage of the riot, Trump’s own incendiary comments both written and spoken, and recounted their own personal experiences on that enraging day. I tuned out as soon as Trump’s lawyer awkwardly congratulated the House Managers on their succinct presentation and stumbled over being a part of the defense and not the prosecution. Little did I know it would only go downhill from there.

It made me angry reading how word vomit in lieu of an actual defense was a choice made by Trump’s lawyers to pivot away from the heavy emotion of the previous presentation. It was a true testament to the lack of care and consideration Trump and his nebulous web of sycophants have for this county and the seriousness of the situation. To me, it felt like a statement was being made that the defense needn’t try too hard because they already knew the ultimate outcome. This may be the case, but to be so cavalier about how this man has exacerbated the tension in this nation to that level of implosion is unconscionable. It was comical to see the takeaways of the defense yesterday, the most notable a simple sentiment from Kyle Griffin, a senior producer at MSNBC: I don’t know what’s going on.

Today, there were hours of even more presentations that painstakingly showed just how close the lawmakers in the Capitol were to being confronted by insurrectionists and most likely grisly danger. Mike Pence and Nancy Pelosi were targets of these violent rioters ransacking the Capitol at Trump’s behest. We saw never before seen footage of the secret service escorting Pence and his family out of the chamber. Rioters furiously yelling “Nancy!”

It’s truly remarkable to see the amount of evidence gathered and just how close some of these senators came to that bloodthirsty horde. The news outlets have been saying this frequently along with many other journalists and pundits, that this could have been so much worse. I’ve been seeing a lot of people online also echo the fact they were unaware of just how brutal the attack was even after knowing there were deaths. I think this is because the footage we’ve seen until this point seemed disjointed. We didn’t really understand how close these roving gangs were to actual lawmakers. The geography was unclear so the threat of danger didn’t seem as imminent. It also didn’t help how Republicans and conservative media cravenly described rioters as Americans who were just upset. There was also the constant imagery of amusing characters like the guy in the fur hat and another dressed as Uncle Sam whose appearances diminished the gravity of the situation. After the 6th, the focus was drawn to the individuals who were getting arrested and booted off planes instead of the very real damage those people did to not just to the actual Capitol but to the psyches and bodies of lawmakers and officers.  Most people weren’t ready to share their experiences. Understandably so, as many of those lawmakers and officers were traumatized by the incident. Not until recently did we hear AOC’s account of her horrifying encounter, which was met with inexcusable, heartless reactions.

I will say, initially, I jumped on the bandwagon demonizing the police when this was all happening on Jan. 6th. Because time and time again they have been known to aggravate tense situations, but the Capitol police we saw in those videos deserve nothing but praise for trying their hardest to protect our representatives. I still firmly believe there was malfeasance by law enforcement as a whole due to the lack of back up and because there were a number of police from different jurisdictions taking part in the insurrection. Multiple things can be true at once. We can praise these brave police officers who put their lives on the line, wonder if their force towards the mob would have been different had these rioters been black, lament the deaths of officers involved, and still be critical of the law enforcement system as a whole. There is always lots of complexity when it comes to the police and this incident doesn’t change the nuance here. Officer Goodman absolutely deserved his promotion, but I still have questions as to why he had to put his life on the line like that because of the severe lack of officers.

The insurrection never left me. It’s more apparent that it was worse than I imagined, but it’s still baffling to me that it even happened. That they got that far inside. That they were able to steal pieces of history and walk through hallways with a confederate flag. That they felt so entitled to push through police, barricades, closed doors, and to scale walls. That they did this all under the direction of a president that some republicans continue to defend. All of this because this megalomaniac couldn’t accept defeat and concede with dignity.

This insurrection was an amalgamation of his entire presidency exploding in one terrifying event.  I don’t know if anyone could have predicted the insurgency itself during his presidency, but there were certainly lots of people who understood that the former president’s vitriol throughout his single term was having a catastrophic affect on portions of the population. People of color in general understood when he got into office there would be a pointed destruction of civility and high likelihood of an influx of hate crimes (which there were). He emboldened a huge population of this country that just needed someone in power saying the things they whispered amongst each other on a national platform to mobilize and take action. This is a strange time in our country where there is a lot out on the table, ugly truths and harsh realities. We have to face these things or they will manifest again in a different talking head who seeks power over people. It’s going to take multiple plans and uncomfortable conversations to move this country forward. I have an idea on how some of that could work, but that’s for another time. For now, our focus should be on what the republican party plans to do once all of this information has been presented.
Will they do the right thing and accept their responsibility for breeding racist extremists or cling to the lie there was actually voter fraud therefore condoning the actions of the feral insurgents? Will they admit there is some self-reflection their party needs to do to ensure it’s not an incubator for white supremacist ideals or will they dismiss these factual claims and continue ignoring how readily their base embraced the Proud Boys? Will they realize that continuing down this path will only lead to destruction? It doesn’t seem like accountability is in their realm of understanding, so I won’t hold my breath. It will be interesting to see how/if this party evolves.

Tomorrow is another day of presenting by the House Managers. We already know they have even more damning evidence, but will it be enough to change the minds of stubborn, at this point, outright hostile senators?

I sincerely hope so, because if Trump is acquitted I shudder to think what that means for the future of our democracy.