I’ve been perusing a lot of stuff on race because it’s a subject I really like reading about and hearing different people’s opinions can unearth interesting perspectives. However, I’ve been noticing a trend in comments sections (my all time favorite part of an article) that has made me very uneasy. It has to do with (mostly) black women who date outside of their race. There is this idea that those women are all hateful of their race, don’t respect black men, and are self-loathing or completely lost. I’m here to weigh in on this very frustrating opinion.

This assumption that dating outside of your race automatically deems you as someone who is internalizing racism or racists beliefs is just plain unfair. Regardless of who I’m dating, I know who I am and I don’t appreciate this notion that my voice is less valid because my boyfriend is white. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the ideology behind this inference, but it surely doesn’t mean it applies to every single person of color and it nauseates me to see this view thrown around so loftily like it’s a completely cohesive argument.

Internalized racism is very real and incredibly sad, stemming from systemic racism in a society that is constantly berating you with images and ideas that devalue you, neglect your worth, ignore your existence. I don’t think I would be lying if I said at some point, every person of color living in the US had a moment, however briefly or extensively, where they began to doubt who they were in the context of this messed up culture. 

It took me some time to figure me out and it’s a continuous journey that many people don’t have the privilege to partake in. I’ve realized it’s impossible to please everyone and that sometimes people won’t like me for whatever reason, but instead of worrying about the endless criticism of other people, I had to become steadfast in what I believe and not let anyone tell me who I am. It’s annoying because regardless of how I feel about race in society, there will be someone who will be suspect of my thoughts and use who I’m dating to nitpick my ideas. So, when I read comments, like “then she went back to her white boyfriend,” referring to Lupita Nyong'o after she weighed in about the Oscar’s lack of diversity, it irks me because who she’s dating has no reflection on her opinion on the matter and bringing it up just seems petty. 

Again, I’m not denying the very real truth that in some cases there are black women who are choosing not to date black men because of backwards logic, but I’ll be damned if I let someone else call my opinion about my own race invalid because I’m dating someone outside of it. Blanket statements never helped anyone, so how about we stop doing it.

People are entitled to their own opinion and I’m sure I’ve known people who have this idea that I’m not “black enough,” but I assure all of them, that I most certainly am. No matter what, I am a black woman in this world experiencing life in my brown body regardless of what ANYONE says. Black men don’t have to constantly think about if the white woman they’re dating makes them seem “less black,” so what is it about a black woman dating a white man that throws people into a tailspin? Love is love. I’m not any less or more black because of who I date so I would appreciate reserving a criticism like this for someone like, oh I dunno, Stacey Dash. 

Oh, and while we’re here. YES, THE OSCARS ARE SO WHITE AND IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE BECAUSE THERE WERE SO MANY AMAZING PERFORMANCES BY PEOPLE OF COLOR. It’s an issue not only because the academy is blatantly ignoring the beautiful work of people of color, but there is a direct correlation between an Oscar nod and a fatter paycheck. It smells a lot like institutional racism to me. Just saying…