As with everything in these last few weeks, it feels weird and uncomfortable to be moving through the motions knowing the suffering happening in Gaza and Israel. So today on Thanksgiving, one of my favorite holidays, writing about what I’m grateful for feels trite and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. It also feels strangely necessary to acknowledge the things that have kept me going and continue to give me hope in this utterly hopeless time. This post is not at all meant to diminish or lessen the very real and devastating reality of all the other atrocities currently being committed in Gaza, Sudan, and Congo, but for me it’s a way to deal with my feelings of sadness and despair, my disappointment in international leaders for continuing to allow war to be a way to “resolve” “disagreements.”

If it wasn’t for the people in my life just plainly being present and all around wonderful human beings, life in general but especially now would be incredibly difficult. I am so grateful for friendships, new and old, comfortable and warm, ever-expanding and evolving, hilarious and heartening, silly and subtle. I’m grateful for family who without question is always there when I need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to complain to or a word of encouragement. I’m grateful for a partner that is so caring and patient, who loves all of me and never ceases to amaze me with his seemingly endless capacity for clown references amongst other things.

This year felt markedly different, though, and I think it’s because there’s just so much going on in everyone’s lives that the mutually agreed upon temporary insulation from the outside world for the few days of Thanksgiving was just not enough to dispel the gravity of various hardships. What that tells me is that now more than ever, we could all use more time, grace and space.

I did something different, and used this time to also vacation, which is something I needed more than I even thought, and I thought I needed it A LOT. It was relaxing, rejuvenating, and most importantly full of revelations. I had time to think and share my feelings and be in the moment in ways I hadn’t been with myself in the past. It made me feel relieved and excited that good change is still possible and I can still continue to learn more about who I am and want to be even while settling into other parts of myself.

There’s a lot changing. The realization that how the status quo we’ve been operating under as a world isn’t sustainable. The faith that there is power in the people being ignited with the millions around the world using their voices to demand change and call out propaganda and genocide with more gusto and fearlessness. While there is still a strong and heartless right-wing, there seems to be an emerging thoughtfulness that goes beyond left-wing to encompass all of humankind with empathy and a strong desire for safety and equality for everybody.

I’m sad the Thanksgiving holiday is over, but so grateful I have some additional time to spend with my family and reconnect with this city I’ve spent most of my life running away from.