Where. Do. I. Begin?!

“Shitshow.”
”Nobody won.”
”We all lost.”
”It was the worst presidential debate I’ve ever seen.”
”Embarrassing.”

-Commentators, and let’s face it, everyone else on the planet

Last night’s loud and confusing fever dream was topped off by utter disbelief and candid coverage of news stations far and wide. The news didn’t mince words, which I appreciated. Most of the opinions of the debate were understandably inconclusive because of egregious behavior displayed by the literal President of the United States. In the few moments where we could hear either of the candidates, things were said that just felt empty and rehearsed. The event that was supposed to get democrats excited about their lackluster pick, and show the nation there was a serious contender to the orange Mussolini was marred by his outlandish (mis)behavior and disregard for decency. It was hard for Joe to shine when he was met with the screeching of a madman every few seconds. It was a far from an invigorating experience to watch. In fact, it was downright anxiety-inducing, draining, and frustrating. With everything going on beyond its doors, the debate felt like another form of suffering the nation had to collectively endure. I guess in that respect, it was a very 2020 debate.
I won’t go into specifics of what was said because recalling last night’s exchanges has given me a headache as is, but I do want to point out some things that stood out to me.

1. Trump did NOT condemn white supremacy. I rewatched the clip a few times because, admittedly, I didn’t catch it the first time around. My brain was melting and my eyes were crossing, but now I see it’s there clear as day. He is asked outright by Chris Wallace, who was mercilessly verbally trampled all night, if Trump would condemn white supremacy on air. Spoiler alert: Trump did not. Instead he asks weirdly who to condemn and both Chris and Joe are like, white supremacists, but not until Joe says Proud Boys does Trump say, yes, stand back and stand by. I honestly (stupidly?) thought for a while maybe he meant stand down, but no. Trump knew what he was saying and has stirred those fools into a frenzy.

2. Biden’s exhausting use of the “some bad apples” logic when speaking about police brutality and insistence that the police need more funding - granted to better handle situations that should involve mental health professionals. It was just another confirmation that Joe isn’t our savior and that the “radical” change we’re looking for isn’t going to come from moderates.

3. Trump is truly trash for talking about Biden’s kids in a very personal way, bringing up drug problems, to which Joe responded truly kindly to the nation. The worst was when Trump said he didn’t know Beau. All this happened when Biden confronted Trump about his own draft-dodging and horrible comments about POWs and fallen soldiers. But like dude, your sons aren’t saints either. Wtf does Eric Trump do but embarrass the family daily? Or is that DJ? I refuse to know the difference.

4. We all knew Trump was a selfish prick but seeing it play out live was somehow still just as jarring as ever. His base loves his yelling and bullying. They see that as commanding power. This is exactly why he’s been appealing all these years. He “speaks his mind.” Even though his mind is a cesspool filled with little yelling orange-blonde toupees. At least, that’s what I imagine.

After the debate one of the immediate questions was, do we have to do this again? Luckily, I mean kind of, the debate next week will be with Pence and Harris. I cannot imagine Pence expelling even a fragment of Trump’s chaotic energy because he has the demeanor of slowly wilting cabbage.

There was so much more that was disturbing and strange from that debate, but again, dredging up the memories from last night is not an option. I was constantly rolling my eyes, momentarily staring at my carpet in disbelief unable to even look at the faces screaming on the screen, just overall reeling from the lack of restraint. Also yes, lamenting the harrowing reality that our sole choices are between two rich old white men.

I’m just worried about what happens after this election even if Joe does win. The polarizing effects of Trump aren’t going to disappear if he’s not reelected, and I cannot stand to think about what happens if he does. I know it sounds like a broken record, but I just don’t know if we can afford not to vote him out. No, it’s not going to make all of our problems disappear, but at least someone that unstable won’t have control over the military, continue stacking the courts, and peel away human rights. All in all, it’s bleak y’all but we gotta keep pushing as always. This country is still going through a reckoning and it will take much more than a democratic presidential win to dismantle the mess that’s been woven into the fabric of society over hundreds of years. Yes, we need to vote, but we also need to continue the work of dismantling white supremacy. Gawd, I cannot wait until Nov. 4th. Yes when this nightmare is partially over or who knows! Just beginning!!