The Fourth of July always felt like a weird holiday to celebrate as a black woman. Even when I was younger it felt strange to go out and barbecue and celebrate the independence of a country that at the time of independence still had slaves and later considered black men to be 3/5 a person. Then to also consider that America currently oppresses people of color with extraordinary prowess. What was the point? The holiday still doesn’t sit right with me and probably never will. Patriotism never was something I fully embraced. At least not the way I’d see politicians use it as a way to vilify critics of the USA. If you’re not screaming at the top of your lungs that this is the greatest country in the world, you’re automatically demonized and considered a traitor. Patriotism is defined as “devotion and vigorous support for one’s nation.” Though I am happy to be living in a nation that encourages free speech (on the most part) and doesn’t jail citizens en masse for questioning the government (that we know of), it’s still hard to be fully patriotic knowing the history of this country and its inability to confess it’s sins and ask for forgiveness.

President Trump’s speech yesterday further drives home this idea of weaponized patriotism. When he talks about being patriotic he is so obviously equating it to white pride, which is just further alienating millions of people that live in this nation. The way he talks about preserving history without actually explaining how it is different for black people living in this country is typical of his disconnect from the current climate. People want to believe he’s not being that intentional about his speeches, but at this point, we have to realize, he is racist. He may not be yelling the N word, but by now we should all know that overt racism is not the only form of racism. His policies, his tweets, the people he chooses to surround himself with are all inexcusably prejudice and divisive. He yelled about people toppling monuments instead of explaining why. His inability to unite manifests not only in a jumble of highly misinformed inferences, but his clumsy speeches riling up his base are outright dangerous. Monuments depicting the very era him and his supporters would love to bring back, the subjugation of black people and exploitation of labor. It’s a sentiment that rings behind every, "Make America Great Again,” statement, tee shirt, hat, bumper sticker, mug, pint glass, etc. MAGA is not a slogan for everyone, because not many people can relate to when America was great. The period of America Trump references is steeped in racism and domestic terrorism condoned or ignored by local governments. I can get into a host of other issues with Trump and his administration as a whole and the devastatingly unfortunate ways his supporters are voting against their own interests, but that is for another day.

Today is for the 4th of July. A day that this country declared itself free from British rule and officially became its own nation with a Declaration of Independence . We pledge allegiance to this country with a line that includes: With liberty and justice for all, but clearly don’t mean the all part. So until that all is inclusive, I won’t be celebrating this country’s anything.

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Most importantly, today is also my Grandmother’s birthday, which actually makes this day special. It’s much easier to enjoy BBQ and fireworks in celebration of her life instead of this sordid country’s history. When I was living in Florida, we would always have a big party to celebrate her birthday, which drowned out the noise of this uncomfortable holiday. It was the summer, so when I was younger my siblings and my cousins were all out of school and we would have a big cookout by the pool, eat lots of yummy food, and watch fireworks as we’d sing the real happy birthday song.

So, today, I want to wish my Grandmother the happiest of birthdays and thank her for being a constant form of comfort, an incredible chef, a dedicated listener, a true cheerleader, and the woman who is always full of intrigue and hope. I remember visiting a few years ago when I got my first tattoo. I was terrified my family would freak out. My mom wasn’t thrilled, but when I showed my grandmother, she thought it was really cool and told me it looked really pretty on me. It was of an owl to commemorate my native heritage on my grandmother’s side and a symbol of wisdom. She was also super chill about me getting my nose ring, too! Suffice it to say my grandmother is awesome and has shown me what it means to love, be gentle, and be caring.

Today I celebrate her life and am thankful for all she’s taught me and continues to teach me about being unapologetic about who I am or where I come from and will go. I’ll be protesting in her honor today. Happy birthday, Ma! I love you.