This is advice I am constantly trying to give myself in moments like this where I’m feeling incredibly unmotivated and hopelessly petrified when it comes to completing any sort of task. It’s been a week of not updating the ol’ blog and it takes everything in me not to chalk it up to a complete failure of my mind or some kind of other lacking area on my part. I have to constantly remind myself that I am allowed to have good and bad days, productive and unproductive weeks, calm and tumultuous months. Not to mention that I am- we all are still experiencing a global pandemic that has completely upended our way of life and has resurfaced inequality in a way that is not only necessary but painfully devastating. It always helps me to read I’m not alone spiraling into oblivion, so I thought I‘d write out here how I’ve been handling things in case anyone else is feeling equally BLAH.

I actually read something on instagram that helped me come out of my blackhole somewhat yesterday after I started writing this (and of course stopped cuz I just couldn’t yesterday). I’ll post it below from Twitter - it’s a thread - but I originally saw it on Instagram thanks to a friend who shared it in their stories.

Holy shit, i just looked at the date and it’s from September *head exploding emoji*. I mean, of course it’s still relevant, but SEPTEMBER. I feel like that was at least 6 months ago.

We were 1/3 of the way through, so basically we just have to keep going. Keep going. Two words. So easy to say and so easy to write out but feeling impossible to just settle in and do without guilt for me recently. Whether or not I want it to, time continues to pass but in the time that’s passing I wish could be much more productive. I’m finding it difficult to just keep writing or keep researching or keep socializing or keep communicating when everything just feels so bleak. I also elected to do some soul searching during this time, and though I’m not glued to a computer screen from 8-5 anymore, it doesn’t mean I don’t have priorities or goals I want to accomplish everyday. It does make my days much easier in a lot of ways, though, and there’s no denying that. I do feel there’s a different sort of pressure that weighs on me now that I am solely responsible for my success/failure, but this is exactly what I wanted. Some days I’m just not gonna be good at it. That’s okay though, is what I keep reminding myself. It’s okay to not be 1000000% productive and energetic every single day regardless of the pandemic. We are all human and the environment affects us. Some more than others, but that’s okay. It’s okay to need time to recuperate, to relax, to regain focus, to reenergize. It’s pivotal to our minds and bodies we listen to when it’s time to just do nothing.

SO, I am taking my own advice and allowing myself some time to set my brain aflame with mindless Netflix shows, video games, and cooking all sorts of comfort food to quell these anxious end of days thoughts. Sushi’s on the menu tonight. Plus, I have significantly reduced my daily doom scrolling, so that’s something!

I’ve never been a big fan of self-help books or motivational speakers, but sometimes I do just need someone to spoon feed me optimism, so I’ve been following an account or two that will do just that. I’ve realized, I need those super cheesy messages about how great I am for existing and ways to cope with stress and anxiety, because I so often forget in this society of capitalism, selfishness, and greed that we are the ones who make up the world and deserve peace of mind. Our thoughts, our interactions, our presence is what keeps this planet going and keeps each other going.

There have been a number of random posts on social media I’ve seen by people who probably have no idea their impact. There are so many smart, talented, vulnerable, and just plain fantastic people that I’ve known over the years and I am grateful for our paths crossing. Stranger too who are willing to share intimate parts of their life for the benefit of others. Real bravery. It’s been truly inspirational to see different ways people are coping with the pandemic and their own personal journeys of self-discovery. Bringing people together and sharing helpful mental health information, allowing an outlet for those that aren’t normally keen on sharing in person, being able to share goals and accomplishments with a whole network in one instant, and obviously being able to connect during a time when we can’t physically do so. Moments like those make the case for actual positive aspects of social media. Though there are plenty of not so great things about it, the aforementioned isn’t so terrible and it’s certainly helped me from spiraling out too far.

In conclusion, everything sucks right now and probably will for quite some time, but we can keep going. Even if you’re not feeling it today (samesies), that’s totally fine. You’re not a machine. Forgive yourself and keep going.