Why must you insist on selling shrimp options? Your meat is barely real. I shudder to think what’s in or is the seafood. Are you trying to make us all sick? It’s probably some sort of global conspiracy for population control. If not population control, then a plan to cause mass severe stomach aches and/or irritable bowls. You win, fast food. Always.

This message prompted by Panera Bread’s commercial for their New Chilled Shrimp & Soba Noodle Salad.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Yours truly (with great regret- Damn you, McDonald’s, Burger King, Checkers, etc.),

A concerned citizen