It’s nearing the end of the year and I’ve been seeing a lot of roundups of best albums and tweets you may have missed, and it just seems like we’ve all made the collective decision to not make content about fun 2020 highlights, which I really appreciate. 2020 has been an exceedingly difficult year for the entire world, and the last thing people need is a celebration of fleeting moments that can never outweigh the depth of darkness of the year in its entirety.

I don’t need to go into detail about how awful this year has been on everyone emotionally, physically, mentally, but do know one thing. If you’re reading this, you almost made it through 2020. It is not a small feat. Everyone should be proud of themselves.

Though I hate recaps, this one is a bit more personal to me, because there were so many events that have forever changed the way I navigate and perceive this world. I learned a lot about myself and society’s capacity for change, which will only help inform my future, but it hasn’t been easy. So, no these are not highlights, but my lessons learned from impactful events this year…

1. Government’s response to Covid 19

   In the beginning, I didn’t think the White House would wholly ignore the pandemic but take a bit longer to get a plan together because the president was in denial. After months went by and it became clear the Federal Government wouldn’t be imposing directives for the entire US to follow, it settled in how far gone we actually are. The election night of 2016 that devastatingly surprised the nation was just the beginning of an unprecedented presidency of lies, callousness, deceit, and corruption that culminated into our worst nightmare when it was his administration’s responsibility to keep this country and its citizens safe. I knew people were selfish and greedy before, but I thought there was some limit. This whole thing has painfully shifted my faith in people. Beyond politics, it’s how severely leadership lacks compassion.

2. Resurgence of Black Lives Matter protests

   Though the leadership of this country sorely affected my optimism and overall faith in humanity, the initial reaction to George Floyd’s death gave me hope. People went to the streets in droves to rally against the devastating affects of prejudice and institutionalized racism. Unfortunately, this flash of hope has since been diminished due to the obviously performative response that has all but halted and the country has returned to the status quo (if there ever really was change). Yes, there was an uptick in people of color getting their stories heard, but the real change is going to take a lot longer and be a lot harder than the lazy lip service or hollow diversity initiatives that aren’t sustainable. I also wasn’t thrilled about how the protests were reported on. Still waiting for that revolution…. maybe I’ll start it. Oh goodness, I probably just got myself on some type of list.

3. Leaving My Job

   This was probably the biggest decision I’ve made this year and the one I am most proud of. I wrote an entire post about it so I won’t get into the nitty gritty, but I realized what I needed outweighed what might have been the most logical if that makes sense? I was feeling beyond burnt out but mostly feeling unsure of my current trajectory, who I was giving my energy to, and why. Experiencing the pitfalls of capitalism, having to power through my days only to have a company tell me I should be grateful and push this fake optimism was the last straw. Since then I have been trying my best to decide how I want to participate in the workforce on my own terms, and/or how I could contribute to this society in a way that seems so stubborn to change.

4. Presidential Election 2020

   I am glad of the outcome (wrote about the aftermath), but the number of people who still voted for Trump is staggering which gives me pause to how or if we can change the sentiments of this country. Our systems, built on so much inequity and violence simply cannot hold but the drastic change we need isn’t coming any time soon. Plus, the whole “black women saved democracy” rhetoric that win morphed into, “they’re the only ones who can save us” is exhausting. It needs to be a joint effort to change this country, not the sole responsibility of black women. Do better, Democrats.

5. Direct Payments

   The debate on the amount of money to put into a bill that is mostly filled with protections for companies and some other wild stuff that doesn’t directly impact the lives of struggling Americans is mind-numbing. Just last week I wrote about how $600 wasn’t enough, but now it’s gone up to $2,000 which still isn’t enough. How this is still not passed and the amounts being debated is another ding to my faith in humanity and the lack of empathy in leadership. Yes, this would just be the beginning, and with the new Senate seats that will hopefully go to Ossoff and Warnock, there will be a lot more wiggle room. It’s just disheartening that there was originally going to be $0 in support and that there still hasn’t been a decision as we head into 2021.

I have no grand plans or resolutions for 2021 because I’m done with resolutions dictated by new years. My changes are going to come at my own pace and when the time is right. Not to say I don’t have any plans for the next few months, just not 2021 resolutions. I tried that in 2020 and well. Yeah.
Looking forward to the changes of this new administration and hoping to have my faith restored in humanity at least somewhat.

I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe new year.
Signing off until 2021 (for now)!

Oh and listen to her. I’m obsessed.